You can choose your own path instead of resorting to hitting your child.
Maybe you grew up in a religion or a culture that is pro spanking children.
Maybe important influences and religious influences have stated:
“Spare the rod, spoil the child.”
It can leave you thinking that’s the only way to not raised a spoiled brat. Hearing comments like these can easily leave you questioning your gentle parenting choices:
“Well, I was spanked and I turned out fine.”
“Aren’t you worried you’ll raise a spoiled brat?”
“That explains his tantrums.”
Sometimes you might just think it’d be easier to go along with the culture you’re living in but than you have an inkling that tells you there’s a better way, that makes more sense.
Imagine if at the end of a meeting your boss tells you she’s pretty pleased with the way things are going but in order to up your motivation a bit you’ll be getting a few good smacks. Would that motivate you? Or what if a therapist told your husband that in order to have a happy, healthy relationship he’d need to introduce a bit of violence. Picture the therapist explaining: “Hitting her once in a while will really keep her happy, and connected to you, and in return she’ll show you the kind of unconditional love you’re looking to receive. ” The more you think about it you’re not sure if it’s funny, sad, or scary.
Spanking or hitting children is encouraged AND legal in many parts of the world. But I’m giving you FULL permission to be the kind of parent that you want to be, who takes steps using love as the compass instead of fear. One who follows their intuition and fosters the loving and respectful relationship you want with your child. What’s more is this:
The research is absolutely clear.
Hitting or spanking children is really psychologically damaging, and it doesn’t teach them the lessons we want to teach. It’s completely counter productive and ineffective.
For most of us, when we look inside of ourselves it doesn’t feel right on an intuitive level. It’s usually from a place of panic, or feeling triggered, or because our teachers have told us it’s necessary in order to NOT raise a spoiled brat.
Times are changing though. We used to think cigarettes were not that bad -even good for you.
Parents are awakening to the fact that hitting children kills the relationship, and it is demoralizing and shaming. I think we can all agree that we don’t want to be violent people, or raise violent children. In order to raise kind, compassionate and gentle people who use gentle hands and their words, we adults need to do the same. In order to raise kind, compassionate and gentle people who use gentle hands and their words, we adults need to do the same. via @ParentingJunkieTweet This
If you are feeling pressure from people, culture, or institutions I’m here to be the voice whispering in your ear to divert from that script – to evolve – to jump into the next evolution of parenting. Now we know better, and we can DO better.
You can be the exact parent that you want to be. Release yourself from cultural expectations and re-interpret even holy scripts that make sense to your modern day brain. Those expectations are theirs, not yours. If you need to meditate, journal, go to therapy, or talk to a trusted friend to release that need to uphold other people’s dictates – DO IT.
To me personally it’s crazy that hitting children is still legal, but I also hold compassion for those parents who grab and hurt their children out of anger. I too struggle with a temper, and I have been less than gentle on numerous occasions. But I’m ashamed and I’m not proud, nor do I endorse this as a good parenting approach. Also, I know that it warrants an apology.
Some people used to think that it was OK to hit people of color, or to hit women. They thought it was OK to use violence to oppress minority groups and control them. Today, we know better. Pretty much everyone accepts that is NOT OK, amoral, and unethical to do so. And yet it’s still legal and even encouraged to use that same violence to control little children. How are we not protecting the weakest members of our society? They can’t uprise, rally, and protest and yet it’s still OK to use violence against them?
We as their parents need to protest that. We as their parents need to stand up to the influences, authors, and leaders who say, “Use violence. Spank your children when they’re disobeying you. “
We need to say “No thanks. We’re doing this peacefully.” Everything in life is up for interpretation including this phrase which could be interpreted in a myriad of ways.
Spare the rod, spoil the child.
The use of the word rod typically referred to the rod that a shepherd would hold, to guide his flock of sheep along a path, to herd them in the right direction. It’s actually a great metaphor for peaceful parenting when you look at it this way.
I think as peaceful parents that IS our role -to be the guide. If we spared them our rod (our guidance and boundaries) we would be leaving them without the shepherding, and the leadership they need on their own unique path.
So don’t spare your rod, and don’t spoil your child! You can be their peaceful shepherd, and their loving guide.
What is your opinion and experience of spanking and/or hitting kids? Do you have questions about this topic? Leave your comments below.