Feel Good Parenting
There are so many things that we do in the name of “good parenting” right?
We push our children to keep up with others, or to keep up with the graphs and charts and measurements, or to get the great grades…
We push for all the accolades and achievements. We want them to walk on time and talk on time, and impress other people.
But because they’re humans, it doesn’t always flow that way, and so we go to great measures to shape and mold them – we use threats and punishments, bribes, charts, rewards, and all the different behavior modification systems to get them to perform to our standards.
Because we think that that’s what good parenting is.
What is Good Parenting?
Today, I want to share my belief about what good parenting is all about.
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The Things Parents Will Do…
There are so many things people do in the name of love and in the name of good parenting because that’s what we’ve been told good leadership or good parenting entails.
Like, have you ever heard someone say that they spank out of love? Or that they have to punish their kids out of love?
Of course, yes, we are their leaders and their guides, but those things have to lead us to question, “What do we do in the name of love? In the name of good parenting?”
So I just want to bring up a question for us all.
Do The Ends Justify the Means?
When parenting, it justified to act controlling, manipulative, or use our power over someone little because “that will help them to turn out well?”
Is that justified?
Does that feel good to us?
Does that make us be who we want to be? The parents that we want to be?
My Belief on “Good Parenting Tips”
We are bombarded with good parenting tips every day. But here’s my belief:
What if good parenting was about what feels good?
See, I believe that we all have an inner guidance system – a knowing, an intuition that helps us decipher what the right thing to do is.
And when we follow what feels good to us on a deep level, then we get to be who we most want to be in this world.
The Most Powerful Parenting Advice
The most powerful parenting advice is to notice the voices, that intuition, that knowing of what feels good. Though, they can be muffled by a lot of outside noise…
This is my invitation to you to just silence those voices for a minute.
Whether they’re your own voices from previous years past, or voices of teachers or neighbors or grandparents or in-laws or anyone who’s telling you that you should do this or that to your children because “otherwise you’re not being a good parent,” consider that they may be right and they may be wrong…
But what feels good to you on a deep level?
Be Your Own Parenting Coach
And we want you to trust yourself, to champion yourself, to embolden that inner voice.
It’s great to read the books and listen to the experts and the podcasts and the videos… it’s wonderful! But ultimately, you are your own guide on this journey.
You’re your own parenting coach. You have that inner voice and that inner wisdom. And it’s about tuning out the noise and tuning in to actually hear what it’s telling you.
Because when you listen to your heart, as sloppy and cliche as that might sound, you’ll know what feels good to you as a parent.
What Feels True for You?
What could you do at this moment, that when you lay your head down on the pillow at night, you feel OK with yourself? Like you can look yourself in the mirror and feel proud, feel whole, feel at peace with your choices?
Usually, for most of us, we will naturally gravitate towards things like:
- figuring things out
- going through those messy feelings and accepting them (and accepting each other!)
- love, unconditional love
When we go off into threats, bribes, punishments, and all the reward systems, that usually doesn’t feel that good in our gut, in our intuition.
At least not in my experience.
So every time you’re faced with a parenting conundrum, ask yourself, what would feel good to me?
What would feel good in my body?
What would feel like “Yes! THIS is me. This is the parent I want to be.”
Good Parenting is as Simple As…
So what if “good parenting” was as simple as what feels good to us as a parent?
I don’t believe anyone feels good hitting their child.
I know I don’t feel good when I yell or shame or blame or punish. (I do all those things, but they don’t feel good. They’re not my true self.)
What if our only guiding question needs to be:
- Does this feel right?
- Does this feel good to me?
- What is my inner emotional guidance system telling me?
Follow Your Own Feel Good Parenting Advice
So, my invitation to you today is to follow your inner parenting coach, your inner guidance system, and follow what feels good.
In what way have you chosen to follow your gut in parenting? Please leave a comment below!