A Healthy Relationship is Worth the Fight!
We all desire a healthy relationship with our partner, but how is it possible when we feel like we do the lion’s share in our relationship? How can we stop bickering and nagging when we feel like the one carrying the mental load?
Building a Healthy Relationship – Forget Everything You’ve Heard!
We’ve all heard that part of building a healthy relationship is agreeing to share the division of household tasks and emotional labor right?
Well, what I want to pose to you today is likely the opposite of what you’ve heard.
The cause of your conflict isn’t inequality.
The cause of your conflict is the fight for equality.
Healthy Relationship Tips: The #1 Secret
Healthy Relationship Tips – The #1 secret is in my new Youtube video.
If you’re caught in the game of tit-for-tat, keeping score, and fighting for fairness, be sure to listen for my announcement on my upcoming, brand-spankin’ new training!
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Healthy Relationship Masterclass: Worth the Fight
A healthy relationship is hard to maintain, especially when kids come along. Which is why I’ve created my new Masterclass called, “Worth the Fight.”
This training teaches a transformative way to use your arguments and alchemize them into your greatest opportunities for growth and connection.
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Let’s Talk About the Feeling of Inequality in a Relationship…
… That burden of responsibility on your shoulders.
… The emotional labor.
… The mental load.
Perhaps you’re the breadwinner, the primary parent, the one who keeps everything organized, who manages the time, who does the bulk of the housework…
It’s a lot. A lot more than what your partner takes on, right?
Do You Keep a Tally in Your Mind?
Have you found yourself in the never-ending game of tit-for-tat? Tallying and comparing how much you’ve done versus how much your partner has done?
This is one of the main narratives that come up when people talk to me about their relationship.
Do You Keep Score?
If our partner has time away with friends, we register that they owe us one. If they work late, we keep that little tidbit in our back pocket, ready to pull it out when we need to prove how worthy we are and how much we suffer.
Is it Okay to Measure the Give and Take?
I mean, of course we seek reciprocity in our relationships. We all want to feel like there’s a general matching of the giving and taking between partners. We want to feel that we’re part of a team.
It’s great to feel like you’re on a team and yet,
so many of us suck at it.
Our Mindset is Undermining Our Chance at a Healthy Marriage
What I want to pose to you today is that our chance at a healthy marriage and that team spirit we crave is being undermined by our mindset.
Our score-keeping breaks apart any chance we ever had for feeling that sense of equality, cohesion, collaboration, cooperation, and teamwork.
How to Have Healthy Communication in Relationships
Learning how to have healthy communication in relationships is not just about nagging or not nagging.
Healthy relationships are more about:
- our deeper feeling of connection,
- feeling like we can be vulnerable with each other,
- like we generally hold each other’s goodness to light,
- that we bring out the best in each other
- that we’re on each other’s teams and in each other’s corners.
And in order to have a relationship without resentment and disconnect, we must dismantle our transactional thinking.
Reflect on these Relationship Questions
Let’s go on a little journey together, and consider the following questions. There are no wrong answers here. As you read through, notice if any of your thoughts or thinking patterns surprise you, and explore possible new ways of looking at your situation that will serve you better.
- Is there really such a thing as equality in a relationship?
- Do you really want things to be totally even, all the time?
- Does keeping score promote unconditional love?
- Does it feel good when you pit yourself against your partner?
- Does nitpicking your partner make you love them more or less?
- When you keep track of how much you give, does that make you a better or worse version of yourself?
- What does your partner do that you appreciate greatly?
- What does it mean to you to love someone and accept them as they are?
- How does that look, and how do you know when you’re practicing that?
- Ultimately, are you displaying unconditional love through it all?
- What’s the difference between trying to change someone and trying to evolve with someone and influence them?
- What does your partner appreciate in you that you might be forgetting or discounting?
- What competencies, energies, and skills do you each bring to the relationship
- Should we be forcing each other to bring the exact same qualities to the table?
- Or should you each be contributing to the best of your abilities in our own special way?
- What’s the meaning of seasons in life?
- Are you accounting for the differences in personalities, temperaments, and abilities you each have?
- Are you communicating your needs properly?
- Are you using punishments to control or manipulate your partner?
- Are you truly looking for you both to shine your brightest?
- Are you holding onto a victim mindset?
- Are you ready to let you both shine in your unique and individual ways?
I hope these questions are piquing your curiosity about your own inner workings within your relationship, and perhaps alternative ways you might operate within it that might lead to more fruitful discussions.
Remember that a Healthy Relationship is Worth the Fight
Ultimately, I want to leave you with this thought. When one partner wins and the other partner loses, then ultimately, they both lose. Although one of you might officially win when you keep score, ultimately, you are both losing.
A healthy relationship is created by adopting a win-win mindset where you both get your needs met, you work together as a time, and are in each other’s corner.
To cement these skills and create the healthy relationship you desire, you can take the next step and register for my Masterclass: Worth the Fight.