How to Stop Fighting & Improve Communication Skills

You want to improve communication so that you and your partner can finally figure out how to stop fighting all the time… Am I right?

You wouldn’t be alone if you said that ever since becoming parents, it seems like you two have the same argument every. single. day. You bicker at each other, speak in sarcasm fluently, and roll your eyes so far back you fear they’ll really get stuck one day. 🙄

Maybe you’ve fallen into a pattern of blaming or shaming each other.

When stuck in these patterns, resentment starts to build up and tensions rise.

If you’re tired of fighting and ready to radically change your relationship, this is for you.

The Truth About Developing Communication Skills

Developing communication skills and being part of a good, healthy relationship is possible for everyone. It’s a learnable skill.

Just like a child who learns their ABCs and begins to decode words until they are fluent readers, so too can we adults learn excellent communication skills. We can become fluent in healthy communication. But, we get out what we put in.

Good Communication Skills Don’t Come Naturally

Some people think you’re just born with good communication skills, but none of us are.

We pick up our communication habits the same way we pick up our eating habits, money habits, and time management habits – from our homes of origin.

We learn how to communicate from a very early age and along our path in life. Then, we get stuck in that default style and use it even when it doesn’t serve us.

When we want to change those things, we must replace them with new skills and habits.

So… let’s do that, shall we?

The Do’s and Dont’s of Basic Communication Skills

Some basic communication skills are obvious. Most of us know to speak respectfully and refrain from screaming at the top of our lungs. We know we shouldn’t call the other person names or belittle them.

But there are less obvious ways that can drastically improve the way you and your partner interact. Let’s dig in.

Less Obvious Ways to Improve Communication Skills

Here are some lesser-known ways to improve communication skills in your relationship that deliver massive results:

• Mirror your partner (sit if they’re sitting, stand if they’re standing)
• Reflect your partner’s message back, so they know you’ve heard them
• Remember that your tone of voice matters
• Don’t raise your voice
• Practice active listening instead of formulating a response in your head while they talk
• Wait to speak instead of interrupting
• Use non-defensive body language, like arms at your side instead of crossed
• Remain truly curious and open during the conflict

The things we say, the way we say it, and the manner in which we should and shouldn’t express ourselves in conflict matter. If you use these strategies you will improve your communication skills and significantly reduce friction at home.

Relationship Arguments Are Inevitable

Look, relationship arguments are a naturally occurring piece of partnering. Arguing in a relationship should never stop entirely. Conflict will always be there, but so will the skills to manage it in a healthy way.

As Henry Ford said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

A couple arguing the same way they’ve always argued, will always get the same results as they’ve always got. More fighting. More resentment.

It is time to become masterful at this and create the types of relationships we want.

How to Stop Fighting & Improve Communication Skills

Now is the time to decide to disengage from power struggles, to grow up and seek maturity in your communication, and to stop using ineffective tactics that are bringing your entire family unit down. Instead, step into a leadership role and become someone who knows how to communicate skillfully and masterfully. Shift your focus to creating what you do want in your relationship – healthy, effective communication, deep connection, and unconditional love and acceptance.

These are all available to us if we commit to learning how to stop fighting and improve communication skills.

What same, recurring argument do you have in your relationship? Share in the comments below! 👇