Meredith’s Story
It doesn’t take two to tango.
Do you ever feel frustrated, disconnected, or misaligned with your spouse or partner? Does it seem like the spark and passion you once had is gone?
Have you ever thought that maybe your relationship has run its course, and it’s time to go separate ways?
If so, I have good news for you! There is hope for you, AND change is possible, even if you have to work on it without your partner.
In this episode, I interview Meredith.
Things we discussed:
- How she felt overwhelmed by the demands of life, the unrealistic expectations of society for partners and parents.
- She was so tired of how everyone paints this [phony] picture of what life is supposed to look like, and how it can make us all feel like we’re missing the mark.
- How Meredith and her partner were on the verge of splitting up.
- Not completely miserable, and they had their up moments, but there were a lot of down moments, and it was wearing on them.
- She knew that something needed to change. She was tired of trying to figure it out on her own by reading articles, asking friends for advice (who often ended up reinforcing the negativity), etc.
- They were having the same fights over and over.
- Budgeting and money.
- Misaligning over approaches to parenting.
- Arguments over where they should live.
- How as partners, we’re supposed to fill each other up, not deplete each other.
- Remember you have choices (own your own choices). Just because you feel it doesn’t make it true. You can always choose how you respond. Don’t let your emotions rule you. You can take a break, clear your head, and come back with a fresh perspective.
- Stop saying yes to everything. Prioritize your time. It’s ok to say no and spend more time with your family. Give yourself permission to say no, to have some downtime, to just be.
- Instead of shoving everything down, putting on the game face, dig in and investigate when you’re feeling angry or stressed.
- Outsource/delegate to give you more time.
- Crystal clear communication (learn to really listen and not take what your spouse is saying personally).
- Think about what kind of memories you want your children to have of you, of their childhood. (what helped her decide to go through the course).
- Investing in the course is a no brainer. We all want our children to grow up to be amazing adults, and feel connected to us.
- The course not only helps you learn how to improve your relationship with your partner, but also helps you deal with other people.
- It doesn’t take both parents. Change is possible even if only one partner is working on it.
Links & Resources:
Free Masterclass: “How Peaceful Parenting RUINED My Marriage… and How I Saved It.” REGISTER NOW
I tried to be open to listen to this despite the triggering name of the topic “sleep training”, but I can’t comtinue listening past the part where you don’t think walking out on a baby and leaving it for the night would result in trauma. I have no idea how you could conclude this would not result in trauma. Studies on animals have shown the young stop feeding and die when this happens. For humans, how could is not leave an abandonment trauma. To be small, completely dependent and left in the dark with no clue where your care giver is. I believe it is downright neglect and child abuse. So disappointed to see you advocating sleep training when I thought you were on the same page as Dr Shefali. I don’t think “having 3 other children” is a legitimate reason to not give a child brought into this world it’s biological need. Bring in more carers, don’t decrease the care for the child. All the best.
Thank you so much, Avital! Your work is helping us day after day being better parents. You are constantly present in our life, helping to find and keep the calm, setting healthy limits, finding balance. I love your practical and open minded approach to solving everyday issues and I feel so grateful for your advice. I think our children would also say “Thank you!” for all the inspiration our family finds in your work!
BRAVO. Every child is different, every family is different, and the mental health of the mother, the child, and the entire family unit are all equally important factors when it comes to sleep (or education, or feeding habits, etc.). Is everybody happy? Is everybody growing and thriving? Are you able to parent the way you feel is best for your child? Then keep on keeping on. But if parenting 24 hours a day (or breastfeeding, or attachment parenting, or working/staying home, etc.) is preventing your family from thriving, THEN STOP. Anyone who says that it is traumatic or child abuse to occasionally let a baby cry, has a very unrealistic look at family life (or human history — how would we survive as a species if there was only one correct way to parent?). Most babies are resilient and eager to learn, and it’s our job as parents to teach them how to function within society and within the family unit and how to take care of themselves — yes, including how to fall asleep (barring some unusual or rare temperaments/past histories of true abuse/other rare situations that we’re not talking about here).
And I will resist LOUDLY anyone who says I’m a bad mom for helping my babies fall asleep on their own, or for letting them cry for short periods of time under controlled situations, when the situation indicated that was best for everyone. There is a vast gulf between a little bit of moaning and whinging as they fall asleep and the all-out blood-curdling screams that send us running towards our babies. And 99.9% can tell the difference, when we’re allowed to trust our intuitions and our babies.
Thanks for being brave enough to say that it’s okay to find what works for your family, particularly within this community than leans towards attachment/respectful/baby-led everything. Those that are so proscriptive in their respectful parenting methods can be, well, rather disrespectful to the reality of the variety of human life and experience. As someone who considers themself a moderate in all this, it is hard to find a tribe in either camp — I’m too hippie for some, too…abusive?…for others. Can’t we all just let each other parent, and maybe even support each other in a journey that can be so challenging and isolating without a community?