Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Avital.

You want a present, peaceful and playful family life? I'm here to help you make that a reality.

read more

What To Do When Your Partner Isn’t On the Same Page With You

Download my FREE ebook: “Zen Secrets of Persuasion” to discover how happy couples do instead of arguing.

One of the questions I often get asked can be boiled down to: “But how do I get my husband on board?”. Of course, the question could just as easily be about “wife” but to be honest – it almost never is.

Concerns such as:

He’s always on the phone when he’s with the kids

– He spends so little time with them and they seem like his last priority

– He gets triggered SO easily and yells

– He’s got conservative views and believes in punishment

– He thinks boys need to “toughen up” and stop being a baby

 

… seem to flood my conversations with women all over the world who are working overtime to become more conscious, peaceful and centered with their kids – only to feel that their other halves are undermining this entire process.

 

So here are some thoughts on this subject, in no particular order. Hopefully they’ll spark a curiosity about how we can foster respect in our adult relationships as well.

 

  1. Open channels of communication about parenting
    Do you and your partner have an ongoing conversation about your own childhoods? Champion a never ending inquisitiveness about your partner’s (and your own) early years. Understanding their childhoods with them (and, if necessary, with the help of a professional counselor) can be one of the most profound ways to invite healing and resolution. Which, in turn, breed an openness to new patterns in relationships.If your partner’s open to it – and it isn’t too painful – ask questions such as: How did your father connect with you? What was the atmosphere at home? What did you mother do when she was angry? What type of things made you feel loved as a child? Who was always there for you?Warning: these conversations can easily be painful, so enter with caution – but when they’re good, they’re really good.
  2. Exercise patience
    Remember that we are hardwired to repeat what we saw at home. Becoming more peaceful is a marathon, not a sprint. It takes practice, devotion and (sometimes a life)time. A lot of conscious effort to reprogram the parenting we received at home and earn a secure attachment in adulthood – if we weren’t lucky enough to enjoy one in childhood. So understand that we all do the best we can with what we have. Punitive, aggressive, or controlling parenting almost always comes from a place of love and good intentions, even though it is almost never received that way. So understand that your partner has a lot to overcome, and will unlikely be able to do so quickly and without much work.
  3. Treat your parenting like a joint business venture
    Parenting is arguably the biggest and most important project you’ll ever work on with your partner. And yet we often spend longer contemplating which car to lease or who should be in charge of the recycling. Have regular check-ins to ensure you’re on the same page when it comes to issues like discipline, bedtimes, diet, family time etc should help to make sure you’re parenting together – even if one of you is doing the lion’s share.
  4. Never disrespect or undermine your partner (especially in front of the kids)
    When you see your partner getting triggered and lashing out at your kids, it can be tempting to jump in and save the day. But eye-rolling and angrily stepping in to “save” the children undermines your partner’s abilities and efforts. Plus, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Unless real damage is being done, let your partner work it out directly with the kids, and take the opportunity to have a foot soak. If you simply cannot hold back, see if you can guide the situation gently, respectfully and with an eye to protecting both your children and your partner. A kind hand to the shoulder and a “Honey, I got this” can be a supportive way of having your partner’s back.
  5. Your kids are not a competition to be won
    Kindly refrain from the (albeit internal) happy dance when your kids say “I love mommy more!” or when they tattle that your partner bribed them with candy. As ego bloating as it is to be the “better” parent, we only ever lose when the other parent loses. Our kids need both of us. And they need us to care for each other (so that they don’t have to).
  6. The only way to teach peaceful parenting is by example
    Really the best way to teach anything is by deep modeling… showing and telling. So rather than telling your partner what to do, show them, through your actions, how to do it, and tell them why (more on that later). The catch here is that you’ll need to model peaceful, respectful behavior not only to your children, but to your partner as well. In other words: treat them with the same respect you’d like for them to have towards your children.
  7. Find your partner’s entry point to peaceful parenting
    What aspect of respectful parenting would excite them most? Are they interested in research and results? Show them the science behind a non-punitive approach. Do they care about lifestyle and leisure? Show them the benefits of peaceful parenting include a more relaxed, pleasant home. What will “do it” for your partner?
  8. Find the medium your partner most connects with
    How does your partner most like to learn? Consider articles, books, audio, podcasts, youtube channels (ahem, ahem). Sometimes hearing about new concepts from us can set our partners on the defensive, poising ourselves as “superior” or “experts” when really we’re all on equal footing. But when it comes from a third party, it can be heard better. Which source of information does your partner trust and connect to?
  9. Don’t flood your partner with too much at once
    Even though you’re harboring a laundry list of transgressions long enough to circle the earth three times, tackle issues one at a time. Keep focusing together on small, manageable steps, and celebrate any progress along the way with a cup of tea, a high five or a trip to Paris.
  10. Have these conversations when you’re relaxed, close and alone
    (Better than barking orders during bathtime – trust me!)

Can you find areas to appreciate in your partner’s growth?

Can you keep it positive and inspirational?

Remember that your relationship serves as your child’s blueprint for their future relationships.

 

I would love to hear how you get on the same parenting page as your partner?

You may also like...
COME FIND ME ON INSTAGRAM!

Create a marriage you LOVE with the partner you've got! ⁣

Parent in love to create family bliss.⁣

Are you joining us? We begin July 1st. Check out Parent In Love >> Link in bio @parentingjunkie ⁣

#parentinlove #peacefulpartnering #parentingtogether #mindfulmarriage #familybliss #loveparenting #loveparentingwithhim #loveparentingwithher
...

There's still time to slide right in! With just 24 hours left, all you need to do is sign up now (for $0) ...you'll have another 14 days to decide! #ParentInLove Link in bio @ParentingJunkie (www.TheParentingJunkie.com/PIL) ...

Now look, we’re all tired of the over-inflated results that course creators are flaunting on the interwebs. We’re all suspicious of online courses actually delivering on all their bloated promises. So if you think, “Bah, just another expensive course I don’t need” - I feel you, I do. I take the same wary approach when buying new programs. ⁣

But that’s why I want to share real human beings from all walks of life who have actually been through this course and received meaningful and priceless renewals in their relationships. ⁣

Like Chelsea, who remarked: “When I joined Parent in Love, I was ready to give up on my marriage. Today, my marriage has had a complete overhaul! It's practically a different marriage altogether.”⁣

Or Tanya, who reported: "This course has ABSOLUTELY TRANSFORMED our marriage, our family life, and my own personal growth journey! We still fight, but the fights are fewer and we tend to make up quicker and in front of the kids now!"⁣

And here's what Jonna said: "I have tools that give me hope and I know how to start resolving our conflicts. I have started to notice how my own shift of thoughts changes the whole atmosphere in our home, not only between me and my hubby but with the kids also."⁣

Check out my IGTV for more amazing success stories.⁣

Parent In Love is a 6-month deep-dive online program that will transform your marriage from the inside out. ⁣

Check it out!⁣
LINK IN BIO @parentingjunkie ⁣
www.theparentingjunkie.com/pil
...

Ever find yourself waiting for your partner to change? Sometimes, it feels easier alone. ⁣

As much as you want and need the support - I know sometimes it can just feel easier to run your home on your own. ⁣

No one criticizing. ⁣
No one judging. ⁣
No one commenting. ⁣
No one watching. ⁣
No one adding to your to-do list with their needs.⁣
No one irritating you.⁣

Ah. Bliss. ⁣

But did you ever have these thoughts only to then think: "Yikes! That's not really what I want, is it? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us!?"⁣

And what has waiting for your partner to change gotten you so far? ⁣

Stop waiting... ⁣

You deserve to have a happy marriage, and your kids deserve to have happy parents. ⁣

And don't wait on your partner, because the Parent In Love program is DESIGNED to be done alone - so that YOU can focus on what YOU can change: yourself.⁣

Your partner will necessarily be affected by the changes you make - because that's how relationships work, we're intertwined like that. ⁣

So TAKE A BREAK trying to change your partner right now, and finally, start to see some real transformation. ⁣

Psst... Your partner doesn't even have to KNOW you're doing the program - not that I'm suggesting you hide this from them, especially if you two are used to discussing financial investments you make - but I DO want you to know that many members have gone through Parent In Love WITHOUT letting their partners know about it. ⁣

And what happened? ⁣

Well, typically their partner would suddenly begin to NOTICE a profound (wonderful!) shift in their relationship and wonder "what's going on?!" ⁣

If you really want to take this program but you're struggling to work through their concerns, especially about the $ investment, I've provided scripts to help you have those important conversations with confidence. ⁣

Get the free Make It Happen PDF in the >>> FAQ >> www.TheParentingJunkie.com/PIL (link in bio @parentingjunkie) #parentinlove
...

This error message is only visible to WordPress admins
There has been a problem with your Instagram Feed.
Add a Comment

0 comments