3 Steps to Help Parents Go from Trouble and Strife to Husband and Wife.
It can be terribly unsettling for a couple when they become parents. So many things go out the door… including, more often than not, their romance, connection and respect. Add hormonal changes and sleep deprivation and it’s goodbye marriage.
The thing is, we’re hard wired to be hyper focused on our children, but this can often come at the expense of our spouse. So, whilst we’re all so busy being amazing moms and dads, we’ve sometimes neglected to be amazing wives and husbands.
The good news is that this needn’t be an either/or equation. And if it is, the maths is pretty clear: taking time off from being super-parent to be a little-bit-better-partner is just good economics.
So what are three things to keep in mind when you’re thinking about bringing your relationship back to life?
- Communicate Your Needs Clearly
So many hurt feelings can be spared by communicating needs clearly. First, we need to get in touch with what it is we’re needing (often our basic needs change from margaritas to pajamas with the birth of our first child). If what you’re craving is an early night to bed but what you’re saying is “You don’t care about me”, I assure you, you won’t be getting to bed that night for all the dish-throwing. So take responsibility for recognizing, naming and communicating your needs respectfully. - See the Child Within
…your partner. Remembering that we were all children once, and that essentially we all look for nurturance and acceptance lifelong, can soften your eyes when it comes to looking at your partner. Yes, you’ve currently got your hands full with the children you are responsible for. And, No, you don’t need another child. Even so, we all need unconditional acceptance. We all need love. Forever. So imagine how you would want your precious little angel to be treated by their partner when they grow up, and channel that. Remember we’re all in this world to seek healing and connection and a marriage can become a safe haven in which to find those things. - See Your Relationship as a Secret Weapon
…with which you kill all the bad guys! No, seriously, the tools you invest in and develop in your marriage today such as communication, acceptance, showing affection, greeting each other in warmth, committing random acts of kindness… these will be the blueprint for your children’s future relationships. You’re essentially teaching them how men and women should be treated. This is powerful stuff! So next time your spouse p*sses you off, take a deep breath and think “Secret Weapon! I’m gonna SHOW those kids how compassion goes, how reconciliation functions… the inner workings of an apology… do it, do it bad!”
How did you relationship respond to becoming parents? Have you found ways to help nourish your co-parenting partnership?
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