Blog Sidebar

Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Avital.

You want a present, peaceful and playful family life? I'm here to help you make that a reality.

read more

TRIGGERED? What to do…

Peaceful Parenting is hard, this we know. And, as I argue here, continual parenting education is critical for most of us.

Which is why I was thrilled when my teacher, mentor and partner in role-play-crime, Dr. Laura Markham of ahaparenting.com released her third book – this time a workbook for us parents to learn to self regulate.

As was obvious from my lego-star-wars debacle, I’m not always so finely regulated, myself.

I’m sure Dr. Laura’s reputation precedes her but in case you aren’t familiar yet – head on over here and start with seeing her in action in a collection of role-play episodes we made together (I’m tantruming like a 3 year old – cringe – and she’s my mom).

I have been cozying up with the hubmonster (almost) every evening – and going through a few pages of the workbook together.

  • He loves the practicality and applicable advice – that he can put into practice the next day.
  • I love the reflective questions, the opportunity to revisit and think deeply.
  • He loves the science based information.
  • I love the empathic, firm approach.

Point being, get the book, and work through it – alone or with your partner 🙂

Today I wanted to shout out (or softly whisper) about one of Dr. Laura’s awesome methods for stopping our triggers in their tracks. If, like most humanoids, you too get triggered sometimes – you’ll want to print out my little poster, or download my phone background (save it as your screen saver) so that you can keep this tactic top of mind for the next few weeks.

DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE SCREEN SAVER and POSTER HERE

The Technique has four basic steps: When you're triggered, the first step @DrLauraMarkham teaches us is to STOP, DROP and BREATHE. Try it today!via @ParentingJunkieTweet This

  1. STOP, DROP, BREATHE
    STOP
      – everything you’re doing.
    Physically pull away from the situation, life your hands, shut your mouth, halt!
    DROP – drop your agenda. Drop your preconceived notions and judgments. Drop your thoughts for a moment.
    BREATHE – ten slow breaths are the typical advice – anything to slow the system down and let your brain know this is not an emergency.
  2. CHOOSE LOVE
    Remind yourself of your choice and commitment to Parent from Love!
  3. Find an ALTERNATIVE THOUGHT
    Rather than the original (probably damning) judgement of your child, yourself or the situation – what alternative thoughts could you offer?
  4. CALM YOUR BODY
    Some ideas to calm yourself might be:
    Drink water
    Take a walk
    Listen to music
    Stretch or hang upside down
    Move yourself!
    Get outside/ open a window!
    Call a beloved friend

DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE VISUAL REMINDERS HERE


LEAVE A COMMENT

What calms you down? How do you stop triggers in their tracks? What did you love most about Dr Laura’s approach? Give me a LOVE in the comments if you, too, have found her work AMAZING ❤️


Watch Dr. Laura parent 3, 4, 5 year old Avital! ►

You may also like...
COME FIND ME ON INSTAGRAM!

If you know me (and especially if you're a Present Player) you'll know I LOVE... indoors swings! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You guys. Sensory swings have changed our lives.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Swinging is calming, and it develops gross motor skills, fine motor skills, balance, confidence, perceptual skills, core strength, and spatial awareness. The motion helps focus. And swinging supports the orientation schema (if you haven't heard of schemas in early childhood, check out my YouTube video "Schemas in Early Childhood") and the vestibular system. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My favorite swings are the Raindrop and the Trapeze from @funandfunction and the Ladder Swing from Amazon. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I get questions all the time about which swings to get and how to install - so I compiled my answers into a FREE INDOOR SWING GUIDE for you - get it on my website here or find the link in my bio @parentingjunkie www.theparentingjunkie.com/why-we-love-our-indoor-swings⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
❤️ Do you love indoor swings? Which one(s) do you have?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#indoorswing #sensoryswing #childhoodschemas #presentplay #playpandemic
...

“I feel so bad about all the mistakes I made.”
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My clients have come to me feeling guilty about…⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・having a c section/birth trauma ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・misunderstanding their child’s needs⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・taking too long to get a diagnosis ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・not being home enough⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・yelling or threatening⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・not co-sleeping (or for co-sleeping)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・not learning of peaceful parenting soon enough⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・letting their child cry too much⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.
For anyone who needs to hear this today:

✨ 1. FORGIVENESS is a great quality - practice it first and foremost to yourself.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.
✨ 2. Guilt is a great INDICATOR for when we are not comfortable with something - after you’ve received this message, it loses its utility.
.
✨ 3. My guess is you’ve done a hella lot of things RIGHT. If you’re choosing what to spend time reminiscing - why not reminisce about things that make you feel great about yourself?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
✨ 4. Trust that you’ve always done the BEST you could with what you had.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.
✨ 5. DON’T OVERESTIMATE the power your actions had - try not to go down the over-analysis track. You really don’t know what was cause and what was effect.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
✨ 6. DON’T UNDERESTIMATE your child’s resiliency - going through some challenges (even with you), serves them in being stronger, more capable, more adaptable people.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
✨ 7. HEALING, apology, and repair are always available and children are incredibly forgiving.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀
✨ 8. Your kids don’t want you to feel bad about how you parented them. Show them that whilst you are imperfect and flawed, you’re overall confident and PROUD with how you’re raising them.
.⠀
✨ 9. MODEL for your children how you own and celebrate your accomplishments more than you busy yourself in guilt with mistakes you perceive yourself to have made. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.
✨10. Continue in comments!
...

Are you spending endless hours at home? I'm with ya! All the more reason to make our homes into havens... We sit down to this table for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It's taken on kilos of playdough, hundreds of family games, and dozens of date nights in.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
CLEARING SURFACES is one way I raise the vibe of my home - for me, it's essential for feeling less overwhelmed and more inspired to be present.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
★ And let me tell you about that highchair! I've had it since my first was a baby - so almost ten years (including a transatlantic move) - and it looks like new, ready for baby #5 and I'm still just as in love with it. If you're looking for a quality high chair, I put the link in my bio @parentingjunkie⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#oxohighchair #highchair #highvibehome #loveparenting #homewithkids #momof5 #oxotot
...

Play is one of my favorite topics to read about, talk about, and think about. To me, play is the spice of life – the ingredient that makes any endeavor worthwhile, satisfying… fun.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But often, I hear parents or teachers say things like, “They think they’re playing, but REALLY they’re learning” to which I think: “What’s the difference?!” and further: Why isn’t playing enough? Why does there have to be a quantifiable, measurable end?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
When play happens, time is forgotten - safe in the hub of imagination and authorship.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I believe that all children are born with the capacity, and the drive, to get lost in their imagination. To create worlds in which they are the masters and the directors, and in which they can truly find themselves. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Play IS the point. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
(Plus, I think it’s vital for parents, too. Am I right??? Definitely helps me feel LESS overwhelmed.)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
10 WAYS TO ENCOURAGE INDEPENDENT PLAY⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1. Set Up a Play Zone⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2. Separate Screens From Play Spaces⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
3. Don't Overpower Their Play (they're the leaders)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
4. Don't Hover Over Their Play (give them their space)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
5. Provide ONLY Age Appropriate Toys (more autonomy, less assistance needed)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
6. Examine Your Own Expectations⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
7. Keep Play Close By (off the kitchen for example)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
8. Provide Toys That's Easily Accessible (#trofast is my favorite)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
9. Treat Play As a Birthright - Not a Chore or Punishment⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
10. Don't Praise, Comment or Evaluate⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Do you have tips for encouraging independent play? I would love to hear in the comments below!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Read more on the blog post + video⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/10-ways-to-encourage-independent-play/⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#independentplay #playspace #presentplay #playislearning #kidsplay #kidsplaying #strewpro #habatoys #playideasforkids
...

Add a Comment

9 comments

9 Replies to “Dr Laura Markham – 4 Steps to Calm Down When You’re Triggered”

  1. I can recognize what you said about once you started why not then go on and on….
    A visual trick that works for me is to wear 5 thin bracelet/ hairties on one wrist. When I yell at my children, or catch myself talking to them in a bad tone I put a bracelet on my other hand. Then I have to make it up, and 5 reconnecting actions make up one wrong action.
    It helps me not to spiral into a “bad day”… and lately I actually catch myself so many times before I act on my trigger ?. Its great for stressful periods or just to get started!

  2. In the moment i often need to shake my body… like i’m shaking off the energy that does not serve me. If i have coverage i’ll often run out to nature, bathing my face in the sun, planting my bare feet on the ground (no matter how cold) and imagining mother earth herself taking the energy away from me or placing my palms on the surface of running waters and repeating… let my body be as clear as running waters.

  3. Hi Avital, love this video. I was having such a great week coping with triggers and handling them in a calm way. Then my husband came home from his week away. For some reason I get triggered more easily by my children when my husband is home. Perhaps it’s because I want him to hear I am having a hard time and offer support, or maybe it’s because small things he does (or doesn’t) do during the day make my “irritability bucket” fill up so I’m more likely to overflow.
    Could you cover in the future something about how your relationship with your partner can also affect your trigger state? Thanks!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *