TRIGGERED? What to do…
Peaceful Parenting is hard, this we know. And, as I argue here, continual parenting education is critical for most of us.
Which is why I was thrilled when my teacher, mentor and partner in role-play-crime, Dr. Laura Markham of ahaparenting.com released her third book – this time a workbook for us parents to learn to self regulate.
As was obvious from my lego-star-wars debacle, I’m not always so finely regulated, myself.
I’m sure Dr. Laura’s reputation precedes her but in case you aren’t familiar yet – head on over here and start with seeing her in action in a collection of role-play episodes we made together (I’m tantruming like a 3 year old – cringe – and she’s my mom).
I have been cozying up with the hubmonster (almost) every evening – and going through a few pages of the workbook together.
- He loves the practicality and applicable advice – that he can put into practice the next day.
- I love the reflective questions, the opportunity to revisit and think deeply.
- He loves the science based information.
- I love the empathic, firm approach.
Point being, get the book, and work through it – alone or with your partner 🙂
Today I wanted to shout out (or softly whisper) about one of Dr. Laura’s awesome methods for stopping our triggers in their tracks. If, like most humanoids, you too get triggered sometimes – you’ll want to print out my little poster, or download my phone background (save it as your screen saver) so that you can keep this tactic top of mind for the next few weeks.
DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE SCREEN SAVER and POSTER HERE
The Technique has four basic steps: 
When you're triggered, the first step @DrLauraMarkham teaches us is to STOP, DROP and BREATHE. Try it today!via @ParentingJunkieTweet This
- STOP, DROP, BREATHE
STOP – everything you’re doing.
Physically pull away from the situation, life your hands, shut your mouth, halt!
DROP – drop your agenda. Drop your preconceived notions and judgments. Drop your thoughts for a moment.
BREATHE – ten slow breaths are the typical advice – anything to slow the system down and let your brain know this is not an emergency. - CHOOSE LOVE
Remind yourself of your choice and commitment to Parent from Love! - Find an ALTERNATIVE THOUGHT
Rather than the original (probably damning) judgement of your child, yourself or the situation – what alternative thoughts could you offer? - CALM YOUR BODY
Some ideas to calm yourself might be:
Drink water
Take a walk
Listen to music
Stretch or hang upside down
Move yourself!
Get outside/ open a window!
Call a beloved friend
DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE VISUAL REMINDERS HERE
LEAVE A COMMENT
What calms you down? How do you stop triggers in their tracks? What did you love most about Dr Laura’s approach? Give me a LOVE in the comments if you, too, have found her work AMAZING ❤️
I can recognize what you said about once you started why not then go on and on….
A visual trick that works for me is to wear 5 thin bracelet/ hairties on one wrist. When I yell at my children, or catch myself talking to them in a bad tone I put a bracelet on my other hand. Then I have to make it up, and 5 reconnecting actions make up one wrong action.
It helps me not to spiral into a “bad day”… and lately I actually catch myself so many times before I act on my trigger ?. Its great for stressful periods or just to get started!
Thanks for sharing Sara! xxx
Love this idea, I’ll be doing it!
In the moment i often need to shake my body… like i’m shaking off the energy that does not serve me. If i have coverage i’ll often run out to nature, bathing my face in the sun, planting my bare feet on the ground (no matter how cold) and imagining mother earth herself taking the energy away from me or placing my palms on the surface of running waters and repeating… let my body be as clear as running waters.
Totally relate to this, Alishia, thank you!
Hi,
How can I access the live sessions on Wednesdays?
At what time do they happen?
Hey Sara! We don’t have a fixed time, but usually at about 11am EST (but this is flexible). You can access by following the facebook page The Parenting Junkie – http://www.facebook.com/theparentingjunkie/
Or by hitting the notifications bell in youtube.
Here’s a link with instructions how to get notified when a facebook page you like goes live: https://www.facebook.com/help/208481212895336
Can’t wait to see you there! xxx
Hi Avital, love this video. I was having such a great week coping with triggers and handling them in a calm way. Then my husband came home from his week away. For some reason I get triggered more easily by my children when my husband is home. Perhaps it’s because I want him to hear I am having a hard time and offer support, or maybe it’s because small things he does (or doesn’t) do during the day make my “irritability bucket” fill up so I’m more likely to overflow.
Could you cover in the future something about how your relationship with your partner can also affect your trigger state? Thanks!