Marie Forleo introduction


I'm Avital.

You want a present, peaceful and playful family life? I'm here to help you make that a reality.

read more

Is there such a thing as TOO SAFE?

Since becoming a parent, and particularly since moving to the US, I feel as though I have been unwittingly enrolled in an anxiety competition. And believe me, I’m doing my very best to lose this particular race.

Parenting and worry seem to go hand in hand. It’s as though the moment we became parents, our hearts were yanked form our bodies and now walk around independently on pudgy little feet, with clumsy little heads that don’t watch for corners or completely grasp the concept of gravity.

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” ― Erma Bombeck

But countless thinkers and authors have pointed out that all this worry and anxiety about safety has gotten out of hand. The fact is, kids need to be able to take risks in order to learn the limitations of their bodies and of the world. Remember that just one generation ago, children in the US were out on the streets, running in cute little gangs, catching frogs, and setting fire to things, with only the adult instruction to “come home when the street lights came on”. Parents literally didn’t know where they were, much of the time. Can you imagine that today? That kind of childhood, free from adult supervision, with license to take risks and navigate the line between safety and danger through real, hands on experience, is a tragic loss of childhood today that needs to be restored.

“But wait!” you say. “The world is so much more dangerous today! There are more pedophiles! The internet! Kidnapping! Processed sugar!…”

According to Lenore Skenazy (Free Range Kids), Peter Gray (Free to Learn) and Gever Tully (Dangerism) – the world is no more dangerous today. In fact, it’s probably safer. The idea that our kids are at higher risks is a myth sold to us by the media, who’s primary agenda is promoting sensationalism, and therefore, ratings.

Worrywarts that we may be, most of us don’t really want our children growing up with the idea that they live in a dangerous world where they need constant protection. In fact, for many of us, dangers are few and far between, and the risks (when we’re true to the statistics) are honestly minuscule. Living in a worst case scenario is called “catastrophic thinking” – that means always imaging the worst. It’s a miserable way to live.

Also, making small mistakes when you’re small gives you the practice of good judgement that can save you from big mistakes when you’re big. Whereas having someone hover over you to protect you or shouting “be careful” all the time sends the message that you can’t be trusted, which is usually a self fulfilling prophecy, seeing as trust begets trustworthiness.

Trust begets trustworthiness.

Ideas to Avoid the Danger of Safety

  • Allow your children to do for themselves what they’re interested in.
    If you truly deem it too dangerous for them to go it alone, give them minimal guidance and step back as soon and as much as possible. (Teaching a four year old the basics of using a knife, for example, and then slowly removing yourself from his supervision as his skills increase).
  • Let them stretch their capabilities.
    Remember you can’t learn to walk without falling. Babies who aren’t allowed to fall, essentially can’t learn to walk. The same is true for every skill and step our children take, from lighting fire to riding a bike. The gradual process of transferring the decision making to them ensures that their skills are being built up in a way that allows them to take healthy risks.
  • Let them out of your sight whenever possible and safe.
    Kids today get no time away from adults! That sucks, because it is often the time they enjoy the most… when they are truly free to do whatever they please, and make their own decisions. Do you have a safe backyard? A park? A room? A friends house? Or checkout the genius of the ideas in Playborhood by Mike Lanza for more ways to give kids freedom.
  • Use the mantra “If you feel safe, I trust you”.
    One of the important elements of safety is safe. Someone who is anxious and worried will be clumsier, more flustered and hesitant – whereas their confident counterpart may be more surefooted, communicative and clear headed. When we decide what’s safe and what isn’t without concern for our children’s internal experience of safety we’re bypassing this important element: developing their own intuition and internal confidence.
  • Instead of “be careful”, give information.
    Could there be anything more distracting and inhibiting than someone shouting “be careful!” whilst you attempt to do something challenging? It really doesn’t help you at all. If there’s some information you think your child is missing, give it to them succinctly: “The floor is slippery” “That wall is very high” and then trust their judgement.
  • Look away if necessary.
    If you think it’s really probably safe, but it gives you the heebie-jeebies, look away. An anxious looking parent biting their teeth at you while you try to climb the rope ladder is sure to make you fall, only to provide further justification for their anxiety.
  • Trust your intuition but be wary… anxiety is contagious.
    If you know you’re afraid of dogs, but there’s really nothing to be afraid of, do your very best not to pass this on to your kids. We often have our own messed up alarms that go off at all the wrong times (cute little poodle = demonic vampire bat). Anxiety is contagious, and what we’re afraid of sends a clear message to our kids to be afraid as well. Unless you’re ready to model bravery and overcoming fears, try to offer them opportunities to be exposed to things you’re scared of, preferably without you.
  • Resist the idea the worrying is “doing something”.
    Let trust take up your mind space instead of worry. Often we worry just because we don’t know what else to do. Practice the art of mindfulness, stay in the moment, and be open to what is truly happening before your eyes. It is not an emergency. Fill that space with trust, rather than worry. It feels better for everyone.

Let’s allow children to take measured risks, to be alone, and to take ownership of their experiences. Let’s not give in to the cultural norm that insists our children are incompetent. They’re immature – but there’s a big difference.


Do you allow your children to take some measured risks? Which? When? How? 

You may also like...

Create a marriage you LOVE with the partner you've got! ⁣

Parent in love to create family bliss.⁣

Are you joining us? We begin July 1st. Check out Parent In Love >> Link in bio @parentingjunkie ⁣

#parentinlove #peacefulpartnering #parentingtogether #mindfulmarriage #familybliss #loveparenting #loveparentingwithhim #loveparentingwithher

There's still time to slide right in! With just 24 hours left, all you need to do is sign up now (for $0)'ll have another 14 days to decide! #ParentInLove Link in bio @ParentingJunkie ( ...

Now look, we’re all tired of the over-inflated results that course creators are flaunting on the interwebs. We’re all suspicious of online courses actually delivering on all their bloated promises. So if you think, “Bah, just another expensive course I don’t need” - I feel you, I do. I take the same wary approach when buying new programs. ⁣

But that’s why I want to share real human beings from all walks of life who have actually been through this course and received meaningful and priceless renewals in their relationships. ⁣

Like Chelsea, who remarked: “When I joined Parent in Love, I was ready to give up on my marriage. Today, my marriage has had a complete overhaul! It's practically a different marriage altogether.”⁣

Or Tanya, who reported: "This course has ABSOLUTELY TRANSFORMED our marriage, our family life, and my own personal growth journey! We still fight, but the fights are fewer and we tend to make up quicker and in front of the kids now!"⁣

And here's what Jonna said: "I have tools that give me hope and I know how to start resolving our conflicts. I have started to notice how my own shift of thoughts changes the whole atmosphere in our home, not only between me and my hubby but with the kids also."⁣

Check out my IGTV for more amazing success stories.⁣

Parent In Love is a 6-month deep-dive online program that will transform your marriage from the inside out. ⁣

Check it out!⁣
LINK IN BIO @parentingjunkie ⁣

Ever find yourself waiting for your partner to change? Sometimes, it feels easier alone. ⁣

As much as you want and need the support - I know sometimes it can just feel easier to run your home on your own. ⁣

No one criticizing. ⁣
No one judging. ⁣
No one commenting. ⁣
No one watching. ⁣
No one adding to your to-do list with their needs.⁣
No one irritating you.⁣

Ah. Bliss. ⁣

But did you ever have these thoughts only to then think: "Yikes! That's not really what I want, is it? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us!?"⁣

And what has waiting for your partner to change gotten you so far? ⁣

Stop waiting... ⁣

You deserve to have a happy marriage, and your kids deserve to have happy parents. ⁣

And don't wait on your partner, because the Parent In Love program is DESIGNED to be done alone - so that YOU can focus on what YOU can change: yourself.⁣

Your partner will necessarily be affected by the changes you make - because that's how relationships work, we're intertwined like that. ⁣

So TAKE A BREAK trying to change your partner right now, and finally, start to see some real transformation. ⁣

Psst... Your partner doesn't even have to KNOW you're doing the program - not that I'm suggesting you hide this from them, especially if you two are used to discussing financial investments you make - but I DO want you to know that many members have gone through Parent In Love WITHOUT letting their partners know about it. ⁣

And what happened? ⁣

Well, typically their partner would suddenly begin to NOTICE a profound (wonderful!) shift in their relationship and wonder "what's going on?!" ⁣

If you really want to take this program but you're struggling to work through their concerns, especially about the $ investment, I've provided scripts to help you have those important conversations with confidence. ⁣

Get the free Make It Happen PDF in the >>> FAQ >> (link in bio @parentingjunkie) #parentinlove

This error message is only visible to WordPress admins
There has been a problem with your Instagram Feed.
Add a Comment