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Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Avital.

You want a present, peaceful and playful family life? I'm here to help you make that a reality.

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I was removed from a peaceful parenting Facebook group because I asked a question about pacifiers. It was against their guidelines. I felt so hurt! At the time I had just moved country, and was feeling very sensitive. A couple years later, while my two oldest children were still enrolled in preschool, I attended a local homeschooling meetup to get some advice from other homeschoolers as my heart was being tugged in that direction already. When a member found out I wasn’t a full fledged homeschooler, I was banned from this group – with some pretty hostile language I’ll add!

Again, I felt like such an outsider, such an outcast, and like nothing I did was 100% right for a particular group. I wasn’t fully RIE, or fully attachment parenting, or fully homeschooling. I’ve had parents tell me in hushed whispers things they didn’t want other people to know. The shame and guilt around these choices is unparaelled!

When I go down one rabbit hole, I inevitably end up feeling like “No, this isn’t totally for me,” or “I don’t fully agree,” or “I don’t quite check all of these boxes.” Which reminds me, there’s no one way to raise a child. As Magda Gerber herself said,

“There is only one rule in parenting. It depends.”

There is only one rule in parenting. It depends. - Magda Gerbervia @ParentingJunkieTweet This

Every child, family, culture, and home is unique. The choices you need to make each day are going to depend on so many things. The following things add up to a unique, individual, highly specialized, particular cocktail of what makes you you, and what makes your child unique.

  • Your emotional resources
  • Physical abilities
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Financial resources
  • The support system you have
  • Your own childhood baggage
  • How all of these things apply to your partner + your other children

If you feel like you don’t belong to any one parenting group you’re so not alone! You’re also so not alone in picking in choosing.

Picking and choosing means you learn everything you can and then apply your critical thinking brain, and you use what works for you – right now. I want you to embolden your own parenting voice. If you want to parent from a place of love and enjoy parenting, you have to choose your own philosophy and be your own parenting coach. I think that you can listen to all of the podcasts,  watch the YouTube videos, read all the blogs, and take all the courses and then throw half of that in the trash if you need to say, “That’s great for someone else, but it’s not right for me.” If a group kicks me out because I’m not a carbon copy of them, that’s OK. If a group offers no diversity, complexity, or understanding that there are exceptions then it’s not a group that I want to be a part of.

When I see a parent yelling at their kid, or even hitting their kid, I understand their struggle. I may not agree with their technique, but I get it. We all do the best we can with what we have. I don’t think there should be a dogmatic way of raising kids because human life is so diverse. If a group is rigid with their rules that they aren’t open to interpretation, it just doesn’t make sense to me.

I want you to remember that every single parenting philosophy was still developed by a person (or people), each with a specific and unique exposure to certain ideas and philosophies- who don’t know you personally, or your child. So take the wisdom and ideas, apply them in your life, but don’t forget to pick and choose. These are not G-d Given truths, nor a blueprint for everyone everywhere. At the end of the day, parenting is NOT always a linear path. Sometimes breastfeeding through the night works for one child, but not for another. Sometimes babywearing is a connecting experience for one mother and her baby, but it builds resentment and back ache for another. Sometimes unschooling brings out the best in one family, and the worst in another. Sometimes Montessori is available to one family, but totally out of reach for another.

We have to respect our unique and individual paths, and enjoy what we can learn, pick, and choose from the various styles that are out there. That’s why everything that I teach in my courses, memberships, and podcasts do not rely on dogma. They’re not a one-size fits all. This just wouldn’t be within my integrity to say this works for everyone, because nothing works for everyone all the time. Instead let’s focus on what connects us, and what we have in common!  When a parent reaches out because they want to be a part of our group, let’s welcome them with open arms and rely on the fact that we will probably organically select those who are likeminded. Generally speaking let’s open those doors of conversation. Let’s cross-reference, and intersect those different philosophies to actually create the best of all words for our unique child. Let’s love parenting, and parent from love. Join my Love Parenting Facebook Group.


Let’s start a conversation! Tell me in the comments below, what are some of the parenting philosophies that you pick and choose from? What works for you and your unique child, and what doesn’t?


 

 

 

 

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COME FIND ME ON INSTAGRAM!

If you know me (and especially if you're a Present Player) you'll know I LOVE... indoors swings! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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You guys. Sensory swings have changed our lives.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Swinging is calming, and it develops gross motor skills, fine motor skills, balance, confidence, perceptual skills, core strength, and spatial awareness. The motion helps focus. And swinging supports the orientation schema (if you haven't heard of schemas in early childhood, check out my YouTube video "Schemas in Early Childhood") and the vestibular system. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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My favorite swings are the Raindrop and the Trapeze from @funandfunction and the Ladder Swing from Amazon. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I get questions all the time about which swings to get and how to install - so I compiled my answers into a FREE INDOOR SWING GUIDE for you - get it on my website here or find the link in my bio @parentingjunkie www.theparentingjunkie.com/why-we-love-our-indoor-swings⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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❤️ Do you love indoor swings? Which one(s) do you have?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#indoorswing #sensoryswing #childhoodschemas #presentplay #playpandemic
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“I feel so bad about all the mistakes I made.”
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My clients have come to me feeling guilty about…⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・having a c section/birth trauma ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・misunderstanding their child’s needs⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・taking too long to get a diagnosis ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・not being home enough⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・yelling or threatening⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・not co-sleeping (or for co-sleeping)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・not learning of peaceful parenting soon enough⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・letting their child cry too much⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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For anyone who needs to hear this today:

✨ 1. FORGIVENESS is a great quality - practice it first and foremost to yourself.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 2. Guilt is a great INDICATOR for when we are not comfortable with something - after you’ve received this message, it loses its utility.
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✨ 3. My guess is you’ve done a hella lot of things RIGHT. If you’re choosing what to spend time reminiscing - why not reminisce about things that make you feel great about yourself?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 4. Trust that you’ve always done the BEST you could with what you had.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 5. DON’T OVERESTIMATE the power your actions had - try not to go down the over-analysis track. You really don’t know what was cause and what was effect.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 6. DON’T UNDERESTIMATE your child’s resiliency - going through some challenges (even with you), serves them in being stronger, more capable, more adaptable people.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 7. HEALING, apology, and repair are always available and children are incredibly forgiving.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 8. Your kids don’t want you to feel bad about how you parented them. Show them that whilst you are imperfect and flawed, you’re overall confident and PROUD with how you’re raising them.
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✨ 9. MODEL for your children how you own and celebrate your accomplishments more than you busy yourself in guilt with mistakes you perceive yourself to have made. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨10. Continue in comments!
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Are you spending endless hours at home? I'm with ya! All the more reason to make our homes into havens... We sit down to this table for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It's taken on kilos of playdough, hundreds of family games, and dozens of date nights in.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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CLEARING SURFACES is one way I raise the vibe of my home - for me, it's essential for feeling less overwhelmed and more inspired to be present.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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★ And let me tell you about that highchair! I've had it since my first was a baby - so almost ten years (including a transatlantic move) - and it looks like new, ready for baby #5 and I'm still just as in love with it. If you're looking for a quality high chair, I put the link in my bio @parentingjunkie⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#oxohighchair #highchair #highvibehome #loveparenting #homewithkids #momof5 #oxotot
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Play is one of my favorite topics to read about, talk about, and think about. To me, play is the spice of life – the ingredient that makes any endeavor worthwhile, satisfying… fun.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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But often, I hear parents or teachers say things like, “They think they’re playing, but REALLY they’re learning” to which I think: “What’s the difference?!” and further: Why isn’t playing enough? Why does there have to be a quantifiable, measurable end?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When play happens, time is forgotten - safe in the hub of imagination and authorship.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I believe that all children are born with the capacity, and the drive, to get lost in their imagination. To create worlds in which they are the masters and the directors, and in which they can truly find themselves. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Play IS the point. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
(Plus, I think it’s vital for parents, too. Am I right??? Definitely helps me feel LESS overwhelmed.)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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10 WAYS TO ENCOURAGE INDEPENDENT PLAY⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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1. Set Up a Play Zone⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2. Separate Screens From Play Spaces⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
3. Don't Overpower Their Play (they're the leaders)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
4. Don't Hover Over Their Play (give them their space)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
5. Provide ONLY Age Appropriate Toys (more autonomy, less assistance needed)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
6. Examine Your Own Expectations⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
7. Keep Play Close By (off the kitchen for example)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
8. Provide Toys That's Easily Accessible (#trofast is my favorite)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
9. Treat Play As a Birthright - Not a Chore or Punishment⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
10. Don't Praise, Comment or Evaluate⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Do you have tips for encouraging independent play? I would love to hear in the comments below!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Read more on the blog post + video⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/10-ways-to-encourage-independent-play/⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#independentplay #playspace #presentplay #playislearning #kidsplay #kidsplaying #strewpro #habatoys #playideasforkids
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6 comments

6 Replies to “No One Size Fits All In Parenting”

  1. This is empowering. The truth that there is no “one size fits all” should be spoken louder and more often.

  2. Avital, can ya please say it LOUDER for those at the back?! 🙂 Had to comment on this one: yes, yes, and yes! Context is everything. The themes I want colouring my bond with my children are respect, a general (aim!) in ‘working with my kids’ rather than ‘doing to’ them, and fostering a beautiful relationship between us. I so often fall short and forgive myself. Compassion for myself *as well as* my kids, is my jam. I remember reading the phrase ‘resilient fallibility’ somewhere in parenting – can’t remember where…and resilient fallibility is what I aim to model – not perfect adherence (plus, I don’t even know what that looks like!)

    I experience the same thing as you when I see other parents; and sometimes talk my kids through when they sometimes look on: ‘s/he must be having such a hard time’ and then talk about how we’ve experienced that together when we have uncomfortable/difficult feelings. ‘Maybe s/he’ll say sorry later; it’s hard, isn’t it’. We’re all in this together. Strive towards the ideal, and make space for our common humanity.

    Also, off topic, Avital, but I saw an email from you regarding an appearance you’d be making on Mindvalley, and I felt SO happy for you! In part because I’ve watched you since my 2 were really little. Many congratulations <3 <3 <3 and much love xxxxx

  3. I have watched many of your videos.It was really inspiring for me to find help at the times of ‘ what to do’ and what not…At the same time it’s not all easy to parenting with love and peaceful.approach..some times our own techniques help for the time being …But for sure,what your doing is an incredible thing..keep.moving on..It really helps many parents like me..With lots of love

  4. This was so helpful. I rigth now am fstruggling with my two oldest children – my 9 years old loves school, my 11 years old finds reppelent everything that is mandatory and hates school. I dont know how to keep them bought happy.

  5. My sister has been thinking about getting some help for her kids because she wants to make sure that she can relate more to them and her punishments can be more effective. She would really like to get some help from a professional so that she can find out more about how she should parent. I liked what you said about how she should make sure that children are really different and their experiences can change over tie and so schooling can work better for some families than others.

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