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Marie Forleo introduction

Hi!

I'm Avital.

You want a present, peaceful and playful family life? I'm here to help you make that a reality.

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Parenting & Identity Loss

Many people experience identity loss when they become parents.  And as virtual schooling and working from home become more commonplace, parents may feel this sense of loss has heightened.

We’ve lost connections with our village, we’ve become more isolated and are barely keeping up with housework, school, our jobs and our other responsibilities.

It can be really easy to feel like… “Who am I? I’ve lost myself.”

Identity Loss: What To Do When You Lose Yourself

Let’s discuss what to do when we feel like we’re experiencing identity loss as parents. 

 

INTRODUCING:
THE CREATE VISION PACKAGE

 


 

Create a meaningful vision for your family.

Amazing family life does not create itself.
Step away from working “in” your family,
and take a moment to work “on” it.

 


What’s Your Identity?

What do you point to when you think about your identity?

Many times when people are talking about identity, they talk about quite external and superficial factors.

They talk about their gender, their nationality, their religion, their age, their vocation – we think those are what make us who we are.

Losing Your Identity as a Parent

Perhaps you’ve already experienced the feeling of losing your identity.  Maybe you used to be a career-focused person but now feel that being a parent is a huge part of your identity.

Maybe now, you identify more as being a peaceful parent, or an attachment parent, or someone who does EC.

The thing is… life changes very quickly.

We adapt, we grow, and sometimes we lose our labels.

Right now you may identify as a peaceful parent of young children but what about when our children fly the coop? What happens to that part of our identity? 

Dealing With a Loss of Self Identity

If you’ve felt a loss of self identity on this parenting journey, I want to offer you a deeper way of thinking about identity. A way of looking at who you are that is less changeable and at the mercy of external factors such as…time!

Many of us identify as what we are. For example:

  • I am a woman
  • I am a lawyer
  • I am someone who has diabetes
  • I am a dancer

When we identify ourselves by describing what we look like, what we believe in, or what we do, we can get stuck at a superficial level. 

 

We can get attached to our labels and feel a sense of loss when they change.

 

Also, remember that labels are endlessly open to interpretation. They mean different things to different people.

Personally, I don’t choose to attach my identity to being a woman, mother, parenting coach, yogi, or vegan, because to me, those things less deep and not helpful when it comes to our identities.

How Not to Lose Identity

If we want to learn how not to lose identity in the future, we musn’t identify with what we are or what we do, but with how we show up. 

 

I see identity as not what we are or do, but how we show up.

 

I think our identity is much more interesting on the internal level – our character, our energy, our personality and the choices that we make. 

Maybe you could call it our mindset, our vibration or our frequency.

It’s the how. 

How Do We Show Up?

How do we show up to parenting young children? And then how do we show up when those young children grow up?

If we think about the how, and we think about certain values that we want to embody such as being kind, compassionate, calm, empathic, strong, etc… 

We realize different values that we might hold about how we want to live our lives.

We might realize, “I want to live my life humbly,” or “I want to live it sustainably.” There are endless words that you might choose to describe yourself.

You Choose Your Identity

Focusing on how we show up to life is an interesting way for us to decode our identities because we can show up with those energies to anything.

You can show up with those energies to the ups to the downs of life, to the failures, to the mistakes, to the losses, to the ever changing aspects of your personality.

For example, If I decide that kindness is a big part of my identity, then maybe I can show up with kindness to any scenario – to my religion, to my political opinions, or to my community.

If I identify as a homeschooler, then as soon as I’m not a homeschooler (because my child decides they prefer going to school, or because I need to work out of the home, etc.) it can be very hard for me to replace that part of my identity that I’m very attached to. 

If instead, I decide I am a curious person or I’m a lifelong learner, or I’m someone who thinks outside the box, then it might manifest in homeschooling right now and it might manifest in a completely different way in the future.

 

I’m not attached to the particular “what” I do but I am attached to the “how” – to the energy with which I do it.

 

How We Show Up Is Our Identity

Let’s raise ourselves and raise our children to start to tap into how we show up to the meal, to the washing the dishes, to the change of plans, to the year, to the conflict.

How we show up – the energy that we want to bring, the type of person that we want to be, the you that you want to be – let’s make that more about your internal energy that radiates outward, what you shine out into the world,  rather than the particular descriptions of what you are or what you do.

How would that influence us as parents?

How would that influence the sense that we lost part of our identity?

Not “What,” But “How?”

How do you identify right now, during this pandemic? How we show up to quarantine, isolation, changes of plans, overwhelm, illness, tragedy, and loss – how we show up to these things might be something that we can attach to more right now.

That way, whatever happens, wherever we land, we always have our internal energy of how we want to approach things and the energy that we want to bring.

Parenting & Identity Loss 

If learning about parenting and identity loss was helpful for you, then maybe you might want to share it with a friend – I would be so grateful if you do.

Remember to head on over to check out our Create Vision package and work towards finding your identity as a visionary leader for your family. One that creates a meaningful vision – a compelling gameplan that gets you up each morning. 

 

You may also like...
COME FIND ME ON INSTAGRAM!

If you know me (and especially if you're a Present Player) you'll know I LOVE... indoors swings! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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You guys. Sensory swings have changed our lives.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Swinging is calming, and it develops gross motor skills, fine motor skills, balance, confidence, perceptual skills, core strength, and spatial awareness. The motion helps focus. And swinging supports the orientation schema (if you haven't heard of schemas in early childhood, check out my YouTube video "Schemas in Early Childhood") and the vestibular system. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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My favorite swings are the Raindrop and the Trapeze from @funandfunction and the Ladder Swing from Amazon. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I get questions all the time about which swings to get and how to install - so I compiled my answers into a FREE INDOOR SWING GUIDE for you - get it on my website here or find the link in my bio @parentingjunkie www.theparentingjunkie.com/why-we-love-our-indoor-swings⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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❤️ Do you love indoor swings? Which one(s) do you have?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#indoorswing #sensoryswing #childhoodschemas #presentplay #playpandemic
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“I feel so bad about all the mistakes I made.”
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My clients have come to me feeling guilty about…⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・having a c section/birth trauma ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・misunderstanding their child’s needs⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・taking too long to get a diagnosis ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・not being home enough⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・yelling or threatening⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・not co-sleeping (or for co-sleeping)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・not learning of peaceful parenting soon enough⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
・letting their child cry too much⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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For anyone who needs to hear this today:

✨ 1. FORGIVENESS is a great quality - practice it first and foremost to yourself.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 2. Guilt is a great INDICATOR for when we are not comfortable with something - after you’ve received this message, it loses its utility.
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✨ 3. My guess is you’ve done a hella lot of things RIGHT. If you’re choosing what to spend time reminiscing - why not reminisce about things that make you feel great about yourself?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 4. Trust that you’ve always done the BEST you could with what you had.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 5. DON’T OVERESTIMATE the power your actions had - try not to go down the over-analysis track. You really don’t know what was cause and what was effect.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 6. DON’T UNDERESTIMATE your child’s resiliency - going through some challenges (even with you), serves them in being stronger, more capable, more adaptable people.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 7. HEALING, apology, and repair are always available and children are incredibly forgiving.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ 8. Your kids don’t want you to feel bad about how you parented them. Show them that whilst you are imperfect and flawed, you’re overall confident and PROUD with how you’re raising them.
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✨ 9. MODEL for your children how you own and celebrate your accomplishments more than you busy yourself in guilt with mistakes you perceive yourself to have made. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨10. Continue in comments!
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Are you spending endless hours at home? I'm with ya! All the more reason to make our homes into havens... We sit down to this table for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It's taken on kilos of playdough, hundreds of family games, and dozens of date nights in.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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CLEARING SURFACES is one way I raise the vibe of my home - for me, it's essential for feeling less overwhelmed and more inspired to be present.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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★ And let me tell you about that highchair! I've had it since my first was a baby - so almost ten years (including a transatlantic move) - and it looks like new, ready for baby #5 and I'm still just as in love with it. If you're looking for a quality high chair, I put the link in my bio @parentingjunkie⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#oxohighchair #highchair #highvibehome #loveparenting #homewithkids #momof5 #oxotot
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Play is one of my favorite topics to read about, talk about, and think about. To me, play is the spice of life – the ingredient that makes any endeavor worthwhile, satisfying… fun.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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But often, I hear parents or teachers say things like, “They think they’re playing, but REALLY they’re learning” to which I think: “What’s the difference?!” and further: Why isn’t playing enough? Why does there have to be a quantifiable, measurable end?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When play happens, time is forgotten - safe in the hub of imagination and authorship.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I believe that all children are born with the capacity, and the drive, to get lost in their imagination. To create worlds in which they are the masters and the directors, and in which they can truly find themselves. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Play IS the point. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
(Plus, I think it’s vital for parents, too. Am I right??? Definitely helps me feel LESS overwhelmed.)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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10 WAYS TO ENCOURAGE INDEPENDENT PLAY⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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1. Set Up a Play Zone⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2. Separate Screens From Play Spaces⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
3. Don't Overpower Their Play (they're the leaders)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
4. Don't Hover Over Their Play (give them their space)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
5. Provide ONLY Age Appropriate Toys (more autonomy, less assistance needed)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
6. Examine Your Own Expectations⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
7. Keep Play Close By (off the kitchen for example)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
8. Provide Toys That's Easily Accessible (#trofast is my favorite)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
9. Treat Play As a Birthright - Not a Chore or Punishment⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
10. Don't Praise, Comment or Evaluate⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Do you have tips for encouraging independent play? I would love to hear in the comments below!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Read more on the blog post + video⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/10-ways-to-encourage-independent-play/⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#independentplay #playspace #presentplay #playislearning #kidsplay #kidsplaying #strewpro #habatoys #playideasforkids
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