Yesterday I hit a really low point, which I’m grateful to say is kind of rare for me. It was kind of a rock bottom moment and I just felt angry, vengeful and numb. I felt like yelling at my kids and I wasn’t even sorry that I was yelling at them.
I felt like I was done being a mom.
I cried and told my husband I didn’t want to do this anymore. I just couldn’t stand any more nagging, fighting, picking up one more thing off the floor, doing one more round of laundry or preparing another meal. Why do kids have to eat every single day? So many times a day?
Do you ever have those moments where you feel jealous of people who are more carefree, or feel stupid for taking on so much responsibility? It’s not that I want you to feel this way too, but I also kind of want to know that I’m not alone in this.
What can you do when the stamina to keep going feels unreachable?
How do we get up and do it another day? And then keep on keeping on when we feel burnt out, lackluster, uninspired, flat, raging or angry? The truth is I have an answer that’s really helped me in my low points. It certainly helped me yesterday. I have an answer that guides me and keeps me getting back to feeling positive, infused and energetic – or at the very least committed and showing up to my parenting journey.
I have a vision.
I know where I’m going with all of this. I know why I’m doing it. There’s a deeper reason for all the craziness, and that keeps me going.
To continue showing up, making the meals, playing the games, reading the bedtime stories, organizing the house, driving them here and there, being present as much as I can – I keep that bigger vision in my mind’s eye. It’s a North star. It’s something that pulls you towards it and says, “It’s all worth it! Go! Go through it!” It’s a bit like giving birth!
It takes some reflection and creative work to consider:
“Why did we organize as a family?”
“Where are we going with all of this?”
“What are my goals?”
“What type of feelings do we want to feel?”
“What type of experiences do we want to have?”
“What type of family are we going to be?”
“Who are we?”
“Where are we going?”
“What kind of plan do we have to get there?”
The Vision is important so that family life doesn’t become this autopilot default thing, where you’re just re-enacting everything you saw at home as opposed to being powerfully in the creative driver’s seat of your family dynamics.
What’s YOUR vision?
It might be having a family that knows “When we disagree, we’re able to talk about things.” Some things might be more specific, like “I have a vision that we have family dinners together every evening. And we sit around the table and there’s laughter.” Some of them might be kind of aspirational. Maybe you have a vision that you travel the world, live on a boat, have a certain lifestyle, and certain diet. Then there might be, values-based goals like we do a certain type of work in the world whether energetic, spiritual, psychological, physical or financial. There could be so many different aspects – and there should be so many.
Your vision has to be something that means a lot to you because it has to sustain you through the tough times. It has to be that North star that will be worth waking up for – on the cold frigid mornings, when you just want to roll back over and ignore the world. It has to be the type of thing that can snap you out of those balmy, sucky feelings of “I just want to give up,” or “Why did I get into this in the first place?”
Now, I can’t tell you what your vision is, but I can tell you that you need one. When you’re ready for some guidance, and a some “officialness” to the whole process, I’m here to help you craft it.