I mess up. I have my peaceful parenting failure moments. It’s a daily occurrence. I want to share some of the ways I mess up and some of the ways I’m rocking it!
It’s normal to mess up. We aren’t perfect. However when it comes to parenting we can tend to think perfection is the goal. Yes we will mess up, and there are also ways in which we are rocking this parenting gig. Both need to be a part of our parenting conversation.
Ways I’m Messing Up (Peaceful Parenting Fails)
I still haven’t tamed my temper
Yes it has improved a lot since I started on my Peaceful Parenting Journey. It is now rarer for me to have angry outburst. I now yell less and grab my children in anger less. When I’m annoyed at something they’re doing it’s less likely that I will want to punish them or inflict some kind of pain back on them. While all of this occurs less, it does still occur regularly. It is something I’m constantly working on.
I could feel shame and guilt about it and beat myself up but as I’ve shared in previous blog posts (check out this one on Mom Guilt here) I know that guilt and shame don’t actually help me to do better. Instead I realize that I’m working on it and improving and that’s okay. Sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back and sometimes it’s 10 steps back and that’s okay too.
I suck at not trying to control my kids eating
I feel the urge to control what my kids eat. To stuff in more greens. To bribe them to eat the healthier foods or shame them when they don’t. I’ll blame them, coerce them, even threaten them if they don’t eat healthy foods.
I know this is something that is a bit unresolved for me. I always feel a sense of inadequacy or imposter syndrome even when it comes to my kids eating habits. When it comes to food and establishing good health even though I know how I’m supposed to behave around food I still struggle and feel like I just haven’t got it together yet.
I can be too controlling
I think I am a bit of a control freak. It matters a lot to me how our house is setup. I also control my kids’ spaces, what they wear, and how we spend our time. Sometimes I think I may veer off into being too controlling at ties and that’s probably not healthy.
Things that I do very imperfectly or that I do wrong.
I don’t love playing with my kids
There are also just things that aren’t in my genius zone. Things that I don’t love to do. I don’t like pretend playing. It’s not my favorite thing to do with my kids. Sometimes, I just won’t do it because I don’t feel like it. But, a lot of parenting advice out there says how important it is to play with your kids so this could be considered a miss or fail.
Instead however, I choose to focus on my strengths. I choose to own the areas of parenting that are within my genius zone. For example, I love building Lego with my kids and can do that for a long time. Reading to my kids is another thing I really enjoy. I also like to go on adventures with them and bake together. There are things I enjoy doing and things I don’t, I choose to focus on the things I enjoy.
I prefer to do things wholeheartedly and fully, rather than to begrudgingly tick the boxes complete of the parenting “should” chart. I don’t believe in that many should’s. Instead, I believe we’re all different in our unique ways and we’ve should honor those differences.
Things I’m Great At!!
I’m pretty good at not punishing. In my mind, I still have thoughts like: I’m going to teach you a lesson, you deserve to be punished for that and there should be consequences to your actions. But, instead of listening to those thoughts I have fully come to terms with the research around not punishing. I know why not punishing makes sense and what to do instead. That’s something I feel very comfortable about and therefore do well at.
I’m getting better at listening
I’m getting better at listening to my kids. I try to simply close my mouth when my kids are talking. To let them express themselves and just listen to them.
I’m getting better at helping them with conflict resolution.
I have the same drive as anyone else to just shut down conflict to make it stop. To shut down the conflict by forcing turn taking, switching on a timer, or solving it in some other adult led way. But I’m getting better at trusting and at facilitating conflict rather than trying to control it.
I’m getting better at being a role model for my children
I try to model managing my own feelings and triggers. To be a role model for self regulation and speaking kindly. But often I find that I can also be kind of a sucky model. For example, I’ll tell my kids to use a fork and the very same moment, I’ll grab food with my hands. Sometimes I’m just a walking contradiction, a real hypocrite. I also realize however, that it’s all part of the human experience.
There are things that we’re working on and trying to improve at and we all start at different starting points. Peaceful parenting is a journey that can, at times, be difficult (for more on that checkout my blog post here).
Just like we want to give our kids license to learn, we've got to give ourselves license to learn as well.via @ParentingJunkieTweet This
If you’re into Peaceful Parenting, there are going to be things that you suck at and things that you’re awesome at. Instead of framing them up as “sucks” we can frame them as things that we’re learning to do and things that we feel more comfortable with. There are things that we already have well established within our comfort zone and things that are still uncomfortable for us. There will always be things that we’re still learning and that we haven’t quite figured out yet, and that’s okay.
If you’re feeling like you’re failing at this peaceful parenting thing try to look at the things you are doing well and give yourself credit for those. Perhaps you are doing quite well at it but are instead suffering from imposter syndrome and that is what is holding you back from recognizing how far you’ve come.
I know parenting can bring that up imposter feeling in us. Feelings like you’re not really measuring up. Or worrying you’ll be “found out” as not the peaceful parent you claim to be because you sometimes yell. If you ever have that sense of being a fraud or that you’ll be found out, like one day they’re going to discover that you’re not really the mom that you say you are, you’re not alone. Checkout my podcast episode on imposter syndrome here if you’ve ever felt this way.
Share your comments! I really want to hear from you! Are there ways you feel like an imposter? What are the things that you kind of suck at? What are the things that you’re rocking? How can you reframe the “sucks” to be more compassionate and kind to yourself on this parenting journey? We all need as much compassion as we could possible get! Share here in the comments below or over in our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.
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