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I'm Avital.

You want a present, peaceful and playful family life? I'm here to help you make that a reality.

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Is Cancel Culture The Society We Want To Create?

We live in a cancel culture. One where we call people out and ruin people’s entire lives over things they said 10 years ago. Over mistakes they made when they were little. Over a joke they made that just came off a little strange, a little off-color, or even down-right wrong. 

Where people are being judged. Not in a court of law, not according to the systems that are set up for that, (flawed as they might be,) but according to mob rule.

Since when has that been the type of society we want to create? Is this the type of society you envisioned for your children?

Why Cancel Culture is Toxic

Cancel culture is toxic – which is why we did away with street shamings and public shamings in the 1800s. And yet here they are, back again, in an ever more powerful way. But this time, with reach to millions, maybe billions, and no longer just the people in the town.

Historically, we did away with public shamings because it was too humiliating, too harsh, and a cruel punishment.

I believe that in this cancel culture, people are being punished in a much more harsh and cruel way for things that seem far more benign and far more forgivable.

Public shamings on these very powerful social media platforms influence billions of people and their opinions – including those in your home. 

Hear More: Effects of Social Media on Mental Wellbeing

The negative effects of social media on mental wellbeing are rampant. You can learn more about what I learned from taking a break from social media by watching this video.

 

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(With or Without Social Media!)

Do We Allow This Behavior in our Homes? 

Of course we would never allow the cruel call-outs on social media to be said within our 4 walls. When communicating with our family members, we don’t want to be people who resort to shame, resort to name-calling, who lack nuance, and who lack critical thinking…

We don’t want to be calling each other out. I certainly don’t want to create a culture where I’m calling my kids out. 

Call-Out Culture vs. Call-In Culture

In my home, I want to create a culture where I call my kids in.  Same for my husband. And the same for how I want them to treat me.

At home, I want to create a call-in culture where we:

  • are innocent until proven guilty
  • look for the most charitable, most generous interpretation of what people are saying
  • aim to be the most supportive and the most helpful, and not the most righteous judges of people
  • don’t look to catastrophize everything
  • see the bright side and develop optimism and resilience
  • have a sense of mutuality, of reciprocity, and of concern for others
  • assume the best of you
  • believe that when say something, you have reason to say it, and if you’re saying something that’s deeply flawed or mistaken, it’s because you have a different point of view from me and not because you’re evil in some way

 

I think most of us want to develop families who are deep thinkers, critical thinkers, nuanced thinkers…

Families who choose the precise and careful use of words.

Where we actually realize the power of words and we try to use it with as correct-as-possible terminology and phrasing, and not label, name-call, or blow things out of proportion. 

In Family Life, Callout Culture Isn’t Anonymous

While callout culture may allow people to hide behind a screen online, in family life, we must be accountable for ourselves. We’re not anonymous.

We must actually say our truth, stand in integrity, and speak from the heart. 

This is certainly the vision that I have for my family.

My Hopes for Social Media

I would hope that people would begin to read other people’s comments, posts, links, etc. with a benefit of the doubt mindset. 

And with the assumption that it’s okay to disagree. That we can hold different views, even very opposing views. and that we still prefer people to be able to share their opinions, however clumsily that they might do it.

I would hope that we start to behave online in a way that we behave offline, where we speak respectfully, where we don’t speak out of turn, where we take people’s humanity into account where we realize that words matter.

How we talk to people matters,

And that, the things that we say on social media go to a real person in the end.

I would hope for all of those things.

Cancel Culture is Toxic and Deeply Flawed

My hope is that by curating this intentional call-in culture that we would like in our home, our interactions online will follow suit. I feel that cancel culture is toxic – how do you feel about online communication in this day in age?

 

 

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COME FIND ME ON INSTAGRAM!

Imagine that instead of brushing your kid’s teeth every day, you decided to wait until they’re 16. ⁣

The side effects of this choice would be…⁣
😝 Bad breath⁣
😬 Plaque build-up and discoloration⁣
🦷 Toothaches and cavities… ⁣
and eventually, BIG $$$$$ at the dentist for treatment.⁣

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!⁣
Of course, this is not a good plan!⁣

I'm going to assume you would rather create a small, manageable daily habit that invests in our child’s oral hygiene to last a lifetime.⁣

Because we know: ⁣
It might be a pain to get started and stay consistent, but over the long haul, it will save you so much pain, $$$, and grossness.🤢⁣

And it's the same with, independence.⁣

If you invest a little bit in your child’s independent play right now - taking small, manageable steps every day to maintain and establish healthy habits - you will reap the benefits over time.⁣

A tough-love moment here - it’s not realistic to wait until your child is 16 and then suddenly expect them to be independent enough to drive or get their first job or figure out a plan for the summer.⁣

These are skills you’ve got to build slowly and gradually.⁣

It’s also not desirable to spend the next decade suffering through burnout, exhaustion, clinginess - because you’re not making the little investment that it takes to establish healthy independent play habits (just as it’s not awesome to endure cavities, toothache, and bad breath for years - rather than invest in establishing healthy brushing habits early on).⁣

So I guess my message is: Don’t wait with this. ⁣
When we neglect our child’s need for independence - it gets worse, not better.⁣

But when you take the time to follow along with the small, daily, doable actions that are outlined in the Reclaim Play Challenge - it will pay off in spades years later! ⁣

That’s why you’re here.⁣

You can do this. 💪⁣

It’s SO worth it. The small actions you’re taking now are going to pay back dividends... forever.⁣

Reclaim Play is all unlocked! Link in bio
...

“𝗗𝗿𝗮𝘄 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲!” my daughter said. Not gonna lie, I draw a mean horse. 🐎 So I did. She watched me, wide-eyed, so impressed. So excited. So grateful! A beautiful moment, right?⁣

I thought so. “𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘈𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭!” I thought, patting myself on the back.⁣

After she colored it in she said: “𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗿𝗮𝘄 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝘄?” 🧜‍♀️ ⁣

“𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘸 𝘪𝘵, 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦?”⁣

“𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗱𝗿𝗮𝘄 𝗮𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝘆 𝗮𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂.”⁣

oomph.⁣

My heart sunk just a little bit. 😟⁣

In my well-meaning attempt to answer my daughter’s sweet request - I had undermined her own creativity. ⁣

I had shown her that I, the adult, was more developed, more skilled, more capable - so much so that she might as well not even try. ⁣

Why try when she could never measure up to the mermaid that I can produce? ⁣

Look, it’s not a big deal. I’ll still draw for my kids from time to time - but I really try not to. ⁣

I try to say, 'No', to playing with them or for them - because I want to say, 'Yes', to something else...⁣

I want to say YES to their: ⁣
❤ Creativity⁣
❤ Independence⁣
❤ Personal Satisfaction⁣
❤ Development⁣
❤ Resilience⁣
❤ Problem-solving⁣
❤ Focus⁣
❤ Attention⁣
❤ Concentration⁣
❤ Inner World⁣

I want to step out of the way of THEIR self-expression, curiosity, exploration. And as an adult, if I interject myself (even if they’re begging me to!), I’m totally likely to overshadow and overpower - even with all my best intentions!⁣

So, my friend, if you ever feel guilty for letting your kids play independently, for saying “no”, stepping away, or becoming less involved, know this:⁣

𝗜𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀 𝗯𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁!⁣

We owe it to them.⁣

I hope this is a liberating thought for you, as it was for me. ⁣

#reclaimplay #independentplay⁣
#childhoodunplugged #motherhoodthroughinstagram #letthembelittle #playpandemic #presentplay #intentionalmotherhood #intentionalparenting #loveparenting #enjoyparenting #parenthood #parentingwisdom #childdevelopment #playisimportant #playislearning #playisachildswork #independencebaby #toddlerdrawings #toddlerdrawing
...

Want results like Stephanie? Want to look back in a few years and think: I did it! I became the parent I knew I could be and showed up for my kids’ childhood.

Then I hope you’re taking the first (tiny, easy, doable!) baby step and follow along with Week 1 of the challenge! *Simplify*

Do you believe your kids are capable? Do you believe you’re capable?

Remember: “Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t: you’re right.” (FREE www.theparentingjunkie.com/challenge) #reclaimplay #presentplay
...

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One Reply to “Cancel Culture is Toxic – Is This The Society We Want To Create?”

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