The word authority gets a bad rap when it comes to peaceful parenting because it tends to get lumped in with the authoritarian parenting style which is the “do as I say or else” style. But authority is actually well rooted in the authoritative style where you have high expectations but you also provide high support and warmth.
How authoritative parenting liberates your child
When we choose to abdicate our role as the authority, our children are then left to make decisions they are not ready to make. As an authoritative parent we can be both firm and empathetic. Then, when we become that empathetic firm leader, our children can relax because they know there’s someone at the helm.
We need to get comfortable being the authority figure. As Janet Lansbury said “Children NEED parents. They feel no real freedom without boundaries. They are not little adults with the maturity to make healthy, thoughtful, sensible decisions about screen use, sugar intake, etc.” I couldn’t agree more.
In this episode, I’ll share why being the authority figure in your family actually liberates your children and 3 ways to get comfortable being the authority figure…here’s what you’ll hear:
[6:19] It’s our JOB!
[7:30] Authoritative vs. Authoritarian
[11:06] Legal and moral responsibility
[12:47] Social and physical responsibility
[15:50] Is authority harsh?
[16:41] Don’t throw your kids in the deep end 🏊♀️
[18:47] Downside of democracy (in the home)
[22:23] Janet Lansbury’s take on parenting by democracy
[25:42] Eventually you will have no more authority…
[26:44] #1 – Give small choices
[30:44] #2 – Get comfortable
[33:02] #3 – Why it’s an act of generosity
Remember, when children have a leader and have clarity around the expectations of the home they are liberated and free to enjoy the ride.
Resources:
Dr. Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting in Action Role Play Videos
In this episode I mention that I’m NOT advocating for helicopter parenting for more on the freedom I do think kids need see risky play and free-range kids.
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I’d love to hear from you! Do you struggle with owning your role as the authority figure in your family? How do you balance allowing children the freedom and choices they need to grow and not overwhelming them with decisions that could be yours to make? Please leave your comments below or over in our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital
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Hi, Avital,
thanks for this week’s podcast, very important topic and I completely agree with you – but in reality, I’m still struggling with being the authority (but working on it :))
There’s one thing about parent authority I still don’t understand. It feels to me that children these days “fight” against their parents much more than we did. (I’m from Europe, Czech republic, I’m not sure if the situation is the same in USA). When we were kids, I don’t remember ever questioning the fact that my parents were my leaders. I’m not saying I wasn’t testing boundaries, trying to break some rules etc. but I would never told my mum “You’re not the boss of me”, simply because it was clear to me that she is (in a way). And it wasn’t because of fear, I just felt that’s the natural state of things. But with my kids and the kids around, it’s different, they question the parent authority much more. Do you have the same experience and if so, why do you think this is happening?
(Sorry about my english, it’s not my native language and it’s been a while since I went to school :))
Dear Dana,
I have a 5 year old son and I am often wondering about this too.
Now I think that my parenting allows him more freedom than my parents’ allowed me, and I try to be happy that he can say that because, later on, I am pretty sure he will feel comfortable saying this to his “bossy boss” whenever he needs it!
I hope it will help getting these moments softened by the strength and self determination you can see in this behaviour.
Love from France
Alexandra