Peaceful parenting during times of conflict
FREE: 3 steps to solve any parenting problem
According to Dr. Laura Markham, there are 3 key things to address when we find ourselves in a conflict situation with our child:
- What are you bringing to the situation?
Children follow presence. Try to come into the situation with calmness and presence. Being fully present and calm can help inspire confidence in your child that you will find a solution that works for everyone. - Connection
Your biggest influence comes from your connection with your child. While you cannot control another person, you can influence them. Connect deeply by listening to your child’s feelings and seizing opportunities to connect throughout the day. - Coaching
We can use emotion coaching to help our children, which means allowing them to express their emotions. Usually, parents try to make emotions go away. But the only way for children start problem solving is to move through their emotions. By acknowledging our children’s feelings, we allow our child to work through them, which sets them up to problem solve and repair as needed.
Watch the role-plays below to see peaceful parenting in action!
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How to stop your child from hitting:
How do you apply peaceful parenting to stop your child from hitting? This example features your child throwing sand at another child and how to handle the situation as peacefully as possible.
How to help kids resolve conflict peacefully:
How do you apply peaceful parenting when another child hits your child? This example features an altercation over a toy that leads to the other child hitting your child, and how to handle the situation peacefully.
I would love to hear from you! Which of these situations do you find most difficult to handle? Are there any other situations you really struggle with that aren’t covered here?
Please leave your comments below or over in our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.
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Love Dr. Laura!
Awesome video! Thank you! I only had time to finish watching “How to Stop Your Child from Hitting” which was extremely helpful as I can apply these ideas daily with my 2 boys (a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old).
However, a question that arises for me, is when this sort of situation occurs among siblings (typically its my 4 yr old who is causing the 2 yr old to cry . . . either he stole his toy, or pushed him, etc), how do you tend to the child who “threw sand” if the other child who was hurt still wants you to hold and console him & doesn’t recover quickly? When its siblings, its often just 1 adult tending to both kids who need attention.
If i’m holding/consoling the 2 yr old, the 4 yr old may get even more angry, and may want to push the 2 yr old out of my arms. In these situations its hard to get to a point where I can turn my full attention to the 4 yr old, to make him feel validated, to connect, etc. There are times when they just continue poking at & bothering each other the entire time as I’m trying to apply what I learned in these videos.
Thanks again Avital and Dr. Laura!
Hey Tanya!
I so hear you on the sibling dynamic! My kids are about the same age as yours and I want you to know you aren’t alone in that struggle. I definitely struggle to connect and validate my eldest’s feelings when the argument gets to the point where both kids have hurt each other.
Are you in the Love Parenting with Avital facebook group? (https://www.facebook.com/groups/loveparentingwithavital/).
I encourage you to post your question in there as well. It’s an amazing non-judgmental community that has a lot of advice and support. I’m sure there are other parents in there that are either going through something similar or have gone through it and your vulnerability in asking helps anyone else who reads it as well! – Tracy xx
I just wanted to leave a note, that the music in the beginning and end of this one, is very loud and it’s very hard to concentrate and hear what you’re saying… https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=21&v=99wv6wJc_lE
Hi avital, I just had an experience yesterday in a playground and it was not a conflict – per say. As I am working on my awareness practice, I realised that I actually have no idea how to react to the situation and I want to know how to deal with such/similar situation in the future.
My almost 5 yr old and 15 months old son were just playing in the playground. I was just there near them when a (7-8 yr old) boy, whose friends with similar age – maybe 5 or 6 of them were nearby giggling, came over. He told me “excuse me, can we touch your (plural) breasts?”. We live in germany by the way. I was st that point startled, dismissed the question by smiling thinking that they were joking. But they moved on by then mentioning other parts of the bodies – bascallywags inappropriate words. And as they insist on the question I answered “definitely not” and basically neglecting them.
Because of other incident (older son fell and need plaster) had to head home almost right away. While walking away two kids were behind us and as I turned my heads they were giggling.
Inside me, i was feeling sensations of uncomfortable, a bit of anger, a bit of fear, insecure of what to say and do.
I am the kind that gets my safe exit from a situation instead of confrnoting. How should I reacT? And of course I am asking this because there were also my kids where I want them to learn how to react in such situation, accept and understand that those were not good example but may happen in life?
Thank you.
I need these videos for every step and stage seriously I 😍 them and you two together as a team totally epic! I’d like to see a video on sibling interactions. My four children 6,5,3&1 are all so mean to each other 90% of the day is conflict UNLESS they are charging around the house (minus the 1 year old of course) playing some high energy role play. This usually will eventually end in tears but for the is happy while it lasts. Problem though oldest is a hitter and very strong willed and controlling they are all jealous of each other all competing and little old me is trying to spread the love out to them all but it’s doesnt seem to be enough 🤔 mega hard. I quote the song (please read in a sing like voice) where is the love 🤷🏻♀️🎵😅 seriously I’ve gotta laugh or il cry. Peace.