This one is for you, #TPJpapas.
Fathers, Husbands, Partners, Lend Me Your Ears.
Has your wife turned into a tired, exhausted, irritable, crappy version of herself? Has she lost her mojo? Is she feeling un-appreciated? I’ve got you. I’m going to give you some scripts to say to your wife to help her feel sexy. You ready for it?
“I see you.”
Well, it shouldn’t be.
Stay-at-home moms feel completely invisible. They feel like they’re not noticed or seen by their partners. They feel like the vast majority of what they’re doing goes unrecognized, unappreciated, uncelebrated.
If you work outside of the home you get a certain amount of recognition or at least awareness of the work you’re doing. But if you work inside the home, it can feel like you could die and no one will notice for days.
Except that everything will come crashing down because you’re holding up so much.
So, just tell her that you see her.
“You are doing everything right.”
As parents, it is so easy to feel like we are doing everything wrong and we get into this black-and-white, catastrophical thinking. The small things become BIG, magnified things. We think we’re messing up. That we’re not good enough.
You need to make it clear: from the way you see it, she’s doing everything right.
No, no, it doesn’t mean that you agree with everything she says. Not that kind of “right”. Just in the general sense that she is making good choices and doing her best, and that is the rightest thing you can do. Right?
“I am grateful for you.”
Dad, do you want appreciation? Do you want to feel like you are your partner’s hero? And that she is lucky to have you?
Well guess what, your partner feels that way too.
Be grateful just for her. Be grateful for her being your partner, for being part of your life. For her building this home together with you. She needs to feel that gratitude. She needs to know that you recognize and appreciate it. That is one of the sexiest things she can hear.
“I realize how lucky I am.”
Your partner is lucky to have you, and you are lucky to have her. When you find a good person who’s willing to build a life with you and who sticks around long enough to raise children together…that is not a small thing and it should be noted and celebrated regularly.
And you know what? Your partner is an amazing mother and she’s doing so many amazing things far above and beyond what other parents are doing. She’s taking on this mothering role in an incredible way.
Make sure she knows that.
“What Can I do for you?”
Practice with me: “What can I do to make your day easier?”
Or better yet, just do it. Don’t even ask.
Mothers have so many things going on in their mind that they need to take care of. If there’s anything that you know you can do for her, just do it.
It will come back leaps and bounds.
P.S though. You’ll lose points if you tell her about it.
“Our kids are so lucky to have you as a mother.”
Every mother wants to feel like she’s a good mother to her children, so tell her your children are lucky to have such a loving, caring mother.
And that all of the criticism and teasing that you might give her on a day-to-day basis pales by comparison to the gratitude that you feel towards her for being the one raising your children.
“Can I just say, thank you?”
So simple. Yet so effective.
Thank you for putting in so much effort to our dinners, the children’s doctor’s appointments, the homeopathic vitamins, to researching different school options…
You get the point.
The more specific you can get about noticing all of the different tasks on your wife’s plate, the better.
“You are doing hard things, and you are strong.”
Because she is. Parenting is the hardest job we have. But it feels even harder when other people don’t recognize that fact.
Believe in her competence, believe in her strength.Are you ready for the sexiest thing you could possibly say to your wife right now? Just three simple words.via @ParentingJunkieTweet This
“I got this.”
If you are taking care of the children, if you are taking care of the day, the plans or the meal, tell her to step away from the activity.
When you just tell her you’ve got this, you release a load off her shoulders. For a few moments, she can take her backpack off. You can carry the backpack and she can relax.
You would be surprised how taxing it is to make a million little decisions every day. So take some decisions off her plate and say, I got this.
“I’m planning this vacation. I’m taking care of this meal. I’m finding the babysitter.” Whatever it is that you can take off her plate, do it. Do it fully and reap the benefits.
Wanting to transform your relationship to one of one of Respect, Connection & Teamwork? Then take this free masterclass!