Are you sabotaging your children’s behavior in subconscious ways, without even realizing it? You have a hidden power of influence that you may not even be aware of.
Think about the last time you were at an airport or bus station, did someone have to verbally tell you or physically show you what to do? Would you act the same way in an airport as you do in a church? Or do you feel really creative and expressive in either of those places? Chances are you behave very differently depending on the location you are in and do so without being explicitly told to do so.
Maybe you’ve tried getting your kids to bed at a certain time every night but find it’s a constant struggle. You are sending the message that it’s bedtime by verbally communicating it and physically helping your child with his pajamas but what is the environment communicating? Perhaps it’s still light in the room or your child just finished with a screen and therefore their melatonin is disrupted telling them it’s actually time to be awake.
Or perhaps you yourself have tried to consistently go to the gym but find you just never make it there.
The truth is our environment, more specifically the design of our environment, has a major influence over how we feel and therefore how we behave.
In this episode you’ll discover a way to influence your children, your husband – even your own behavior – without the use of words. You can create more ease and flow in your life and reduce friction around day to day activities using this powerful tool.
[5:56] Stop feeling like a nag
When you talk, especially if you continuously repeat yourself, your kids (and partner) will tune you out. This can then frustrate us if the person we are trying to influence shows resistance. This tool does NOT replace talking/showing (learn more about showing in this podcast episode)
[9:57] The hidden power that changes everything
We can choose to manipulate the environment instead of manipulating our children or ourselves. Intentionally choosing the design of our space so that it is a collection of messages which will support the behavior we wish to see.
[11:05] How our behavior is influenced without any words
Think about the various places you visit – the airport, bus station, church, supermarket, etc. All of those places evoke a different feeling from you and therefore a certain behavior. No one verbally tells you or takes your hand and physically shows you how to behave. The environment does this by itself. No words needed.
[16:56] Use this to your advantage!
Use this design power to your own advantage! In the Present Play membership we go deep into design set up if you’d like to learn even more. For now use this to help avoid the “no” spaces in your home. If your children need to express themselves artistically create a space where they can do so AND you are ok with the mess that is created in that specific space. For more on yes spaces – specifically as it applies to babies – check out my blog post here.
[18:43] Clutter creates chaos
If you’re telling your child to clean up but their toys don’t have a designated space to go to or there isn’t enough room for all of the toys your child literally cannot clean up. For more tips on decluttering check out my podcast on the The Real Reasons You’re Not Decluttering, or my blog posts: Decluttering Mistakes to Avoid and 7 Reasons We have Too Many Toys. And for an in-depth decluttering guide join the Reclaim Play Challenge !
[19:24] Items hold an energy (from a woo woo and a psychological perspective)
All items hold an energy or message and invoke a certain feeling within us. For example red walls will invoke a different emotion than white/cream/gray walls will.
The things we see subconsciously trigger certain thoughts and associations in our mind which make us feel a certain way and therefore make us behave a certain way.via @ParentingJunkieTweet This
[22:52] Create cohesiveness
You have the power here. You can choose to influence your child and your life by making your outer world reflect your inner world. By choosing colors, objects, layouts, that reflect you and your desires for your home and family.
[23:41] Strewing!!! 🎉Spoiler Alert: You do NOT need more Toys!!
Have you ever found yourself sitting in a doctor’s office reading the magazine on the table even though you had zero interest or intention to read it before you sat down next to it? Strewing, also referred to as play provocations or play invitations does the same for your children. You use things you already have but curate them in a way that makes the toy irresistible. For more on strewing checkout my blog post on Reasons Your Child Won’t Play and Schemas.
[28:14] Take it to the next level!
Strewing doesn’t only apply to children. Trying to form a new healthy habit of some sort? Maybe you’re trying to stop sleeping with your phone next to you. Why not try strewing your charger outside of your bedroom? Trying to head to the gym? Leave your clothes out the night before. Manipulate your environment to set you up for success!
Is your environment setup to help you succeed? Is it designed in a way to elicit the behavior you wish to see from your children? If not what can you do to change it? Come share your ideas over in our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.
If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @theparentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!
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